OOT come up with the worst opening sentence of a novel that you can.

[offTopic]

Wrinkled and sweaty, Ashok dropped the wrestling mask down next to the keyboard, where it stared back at him, standing out against the tabletop like a shiny blue and silver bruise, a bruise not unlike that which troubled his heart, conflicted, counterfeited, false, like an imaginary girlfriend, or a token purchased outside the dominion of the batting cage, "How long...", he wondered, "...could this double life continue...", as if he were at once two people (or more) known, yet anonymous, controlled, yet seeking moderation, "...how can I go on like this? I should stop now, never to return!" and with that, he picked up the mask and started typing anew.