Love-life update

[MicroBob]

Still long - but edited for length.

Hi all -
Starting a new thread.
Once again apologies for the length.
Brevity is not my strong suit.


I wrote a hell of a lot yesterday because I needed to vent and was pretty upset.
Here's the cliff's notes version to get you updated.


GF and I have both been dating for 2 years.
we were both seperated from our previous marriages for a few months before dating.
I recent finalized my divorce...delay was due to lazyness.
She has not finalized her divorce. She kicked the guy out almost 3 years ago but he still kind of assumes they are still together even though she rarely speaks to him.


He was behaving kind of badly at times but nothing too bad. Just a few phone calls where he wouldn't leave a message.
He has gotten out of hand of recent...specifically this weekend.

He went to her house and showed her pics he had of us together a month or so ago (different dates).

We suspect he has also been snooping around her house with a key that she forgot he had. going through her e-mail on her computer, cell-phone bills, etc.

He called me last night (first time I've ever spoken with him) and, among other things, claimed to be still sleeping with her.
I didn't believe him but was admittedly rattled.

She and I talked on the phone last night but I still didn't feel as great about things as i would have liked.


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Here's the update:


First - thanks everyone for their insights and support.
We had a wide-range of views here which would actually was kind of interesting

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She came over today and we talked. Neither one of us had much success sleeping.

Divorce - She is contacting a couple lawyers tomorrow. He said he was ready to do the divorce.
I did not have to put any demands on her.
if he doesn't sign the papers she will do whatever is necessary.


Sleeping around - There's no real way I can prove one way or another. I still believe her.
His tone to me originally was along the lines of, "Well...you're dating MY wife. I just want to know how you would feel."
When I didn't really reply then he seemed to take the next step and try to MAKE me feel the same type of pain that he is going through

She is very concerned that he upset me this badly and that I am now more directly involved in this.


I believe her that she hasn't been sleeping around.
I also believe that our relationship is strong.
We talked about it and I am satisfied as best I think one can be.


She's very accepting of my paranoid concerns. She understood.


Action -

Her tendency to shut it all out has ceased.
She says that she is going to confront him and tell him to stop.

Anyway, she says that she is going to directly tell him NO more phone-calls, NO more contact, divorce will be done entirely through lawyers, etc.
She will tell him that if he contacts her again she will go to the police.

She is showing strength about this that I haven't seen before. I think she has done a lot of growing since when our relationship first started and she just wanted to close her eyes about him and make it all go away.


(obviously if she doesn't do any of these things then it will be hit-the-highway time)


If he calls me again I will tell him that if he continues to harass me I will go to the police.


Keys and Alarms - When he left in a huff he forgot that he left his copy of the key at her place.
She suspects that he probably doesn't have another.
she believes that changing the alarm-code and notifying the alarm-company that this specific guy is not allowed in her house will be sufficient.

She's also changing her e-mail password, etc.

Emotional status - I feel that our relationship is stronger than ever. Our day together talking this through was VERY productive and helpful to both of us.

We were completely providing strength for each other.
It was far beyond any expectations I would have had.

She is getting started on the divorce this week. The 3 weeks that I'm in Vegas (June 26-July 15) will be a good stretch for her to try to finish it off perhaps (if it it goes quickly enough).


I feel good about things.


Thanks again all.