Trying to clear the air.

[Josh W]

Oh man. I get the award for "Most misunderstood". I'm not bragging. It's my own damn fault for not making myself clear.

See, I've received some flak (both from people via AIM and the personal messages here on 2+2) for my response to Clark(e). I've been asked why I'm pissed, why I flew off the handle, and, if poker means so little to me, why did I get so upset at his actions.

I'm not upset. Not even a tiny bit. I laughed at a couple of my friends who asked me why I was so pissed. See, the problem with text is that you cannot tell tone.

I wasn't even a little pissed off. I was surprised that Clark did that.

And then I see a lot of posts (including a private message from Clark, trying to clear the air, which I appreciate) saying that he meant well...saying that Clark didn't have any ill will or bad intentions.

Apparently all of you that said that missed my post last night at 11:14 where I said I'm sure he meant no ill will, and that he meant to help. Not a doubt in my mind.

But his methodology was wretched.

If anything, I'm most upset by Clark's continued refusal to respond to what people actually post. This has been going on for a while. Oh, he'll snip out a quote here or there, but miss specific information too frequently. This is obviously the case. I mean, how many times in my "To Clarkemeister and other psychoanalysts" post did I say "it's just poker", then the first thing he does is accuse me of flying off the handle.

But I have no problem with Clark. I have no problem with harsh responses to my posts. I do have a problem with people taking what I say out of context, putting words in my mouth, and twisting the meaning of what I say.

This is all me now. Two weeks ago, I played 4-8 and 80-160 in the same week. Why? Because I love to play poker. I mean, in any given night, I'll receive 6 to 10 phonecalls from friends who are playing or want to play. I often don't play, but if I'm going to play, I want to play with my buddies. And I'm not embarrassed to play low limits. See, I play to have fun. It's just poker. I don't care about the money.

And that's one of the reasons Clark digging up the old GummyWorm posts rubbed me the wrong way. See, a year ago, my head was all screwed up. Poker was a way of life for me. My results affected my esteem. My ego was what drove me to play.

And I'm embarrassed now by what I was then.

There is a reason why a criminal defendant's prior arrests aren't admissable in court.

But Clark thought that I was slipping into my old ways. Fair enough. I mean, I am the most misunderstood poster here. But that's not at all the case. I mean, I'm running a little bit towards the bad side right now, but not really bad. I'm probably, with the exception of one 1-hour period on Saturday, playing the best poker of my life.

I think that some of you recognized this. Astroglide surely did, saying that there was no reason for Clark to bring up what he did.

I realize, after all of this, a number of errors in my ways. I write too emotionally. At least, given the way I write my posts, people have said that they think I get too emotional over poker, which couldn't be further from the truth. I come across, because of my word choice, I guess, as being pissed off when that's completely not the case.

But I've done everything I can to make it abundantly clear to people that it's just poker to me. Its a hobby that I hold my own at. It's a form of entertainment. It's a social outlet, much like going to the bar for a couple of drinks after work. As Clark went to great lengths to point out, it didn't used to be that way for me. And, to an extent I thank him for the reminder of what I once was.

So, yeah. That's about it. I'm not pissed. I don't get pissed about poker. However, those who know me know that I don't get pissed at all. Life's too short to be upset. To think about what I once was is embarrassing to me. Having it all brought back to light is anything but a joy. But I fully understood (as many of you pointed out after I did) that it was done with no ill intent.

And I don't really care what happens from here out. I really don't. I mean, I'm sure one of you will respond with "if poker is just a game, why do you _____ (fill in the blank)". And I realize that some of you just refuse to read what the author is actually saying, and want to come up with your own line of thought. And that's the way the world is. So be it.

The first paragraph of my "to Clarkemeister and other psychoanalyists" said it best, so I copied and pasted it here:

See, I play poker a fair amoount. Sometimes once a month, sometimes 20 times a month. And, for the most part, I play pretty well. And, for the most part, I'm a good guy to have at the table, because I'm pleasant, friendly, never complain or throw cards, or chastise. I stand up for players and dealers who are being abused. And most importantly, when somebody apologizes to me, I tap the table and say "Hey, its no big deal. It's just poker. I've never gotten upset at a poker table before, and I'm not about to start now."

And, finally, there is a reason why I referred to all of you as psychoanalysts...you try to find out what's going on in people's heads. For me, you don't need to do that. I've got a long history of posting my questions from "why am I running bad" to "should I really read the books" (which, by the way, I still haven't finished [img]/forums/images/icons/frown.gif[/img] ) to "how should have I played my A3s". If I have a question, I ask it. You don't need to dig deep to find it. Just read what I write. And if you want to respond, great. I'll read, try to understand, and take into account what you say. If I ask how to play A3s, please don't take that to mean I need help on my lifestyle that can be found in a thread from a year ago titled "confessions of a losing poker player".

Really, guys. Just respond to what I say. Don't psychoanalize. Please. But if you don't, no hard feelings. It's just poker.

Josh