That's not a toilet. It's a hole in the floor!

[Gimpy]

Since this former psychology forum has been corrupted by religion, I think it is time to change the subject to something more important.

Apparently some Westerner, after inventing the straight-back chair, decided to add a hole in the seat and call it a toilet. I thought this technology had progressed rapidly around the world until I traveled to Iraq. Like many of you, that’s all I had ever used other than on a construction site port-o-let or during a camping and hunting trip.

<font color="red">Squat Toilet. </font> They’re the original toilet, invented by some unknown genius thousands of years ago, when he dug a hole, and then squatted over it. It’s the way most people have been going ever since.

As long as you restrict yourself to upscale western-style hotels, you may never see a squat toilet. But what's the fun of that? You can get the same experience at Disney World or New Orleans. If you venture off in Iraq, be ready to greet squat toilets with a spirit of adventure. For the most part I was doing a good job avoiding squat toilets. Almost all hotels and US military camps have Western flushers. The exception came in a desert military installation during a six-hour convoy across the dry moon–scape of Iraq. The curie-spiced roast lamb and MRE’s were kicking in full gear and it was my chance to participate in a new cultural experience.

You look down and see a hole in the floor. A white porcelain plate surrounds the hole, with two slightly raised footprints, about two inches over the floor-level drainage area, facing away from the wall. You have to back into it. Be careful. You might lose your balance and fall into [censored], or you might touch something you don’t want to touch. You stand on the footprints, pull down your pants, and squat, trying to line up the relevant holes. It’s even more challenging when you’ve done a mad dash from the back seat of a dusty Hummer in full body armor. Adding to the experience, the porcelain plate frequently carries the brand name "American Standard." Strange, that is one American item I have never seen in America.

What kind of facilities should you expect to find as you travel through Iraq? It's best to be prepared for anything. Iraqi military barracks have nothing but squat toilets. Bathrooms with running water frequently have a hose and water jet next to the toilet, which can take the place of toilet paper. Some establishments offer a water hose and no toilet paper. Others have toilet paper and no water jet. Most offer neither: Your only option is to carry your own paper. As a good Boy Scout you must be prepared! Looking around you will spot a nearby pail for used tissue. Use the pail. Iraqi plumbing was not engineered with toilet paper in mind. Anything such as tissue paper or even a match stick will clog the squat toilet. I would also advise against throwing lit match down there.

In a Turkish truck driver’s camp I saw two dirty footprints on the toilet seat, left by someone who really didn’t see the point in sitting.

That’s all for now, Gimpy.