Noo religon

[Noo Yawk]

For all you folks that are tired of the religious discussions going on and are disillusioned by other religions, I'm starting my own.

Before you hit the back button, please hear me out.
In my religion you would:

-get into heaven AUTOMATICALY. Yeah, pretty awesome.

-You can do WHATEVER you want. As a disclaimer if you break
the law, your on your own. However, as long as you pay your
ahem, tithe, you'll still get into heaven.

-Our Lord will not judge you. Unless you piss me off, and
then your screwed. However, pay your tithe and you still
get to heaven. Why? Because the customer, er, I mean
rightous follwer, is always right.

-For Sklansky, our Lord can create a number so powerful
that no matter how you divide, multiply, subtract or add
it will come out as odd AND even. So powerful is this
number, that merely thinking about it will cause
permanent blindness.

-For all you hard luck poker players, you will suddenly
find your self hitting your draws at uncanny ratio
that is statistically impossible. You're made hands will
also hold up, with the exception of ACES in loose games.
Everyone knows they don't play well multi-way. Even being
Nooish won't help you here.

And theres more which I will tell you about after your first donation. How Much? Most religons are looking for 10% and up from your earnings. Well being Nooish will get you into heaven and hitting gutshot straights for only 5%. Yeah, you read it right 5%. No praying, no rules, no books or passages to memorize, no services and no judgement day. Just pay 5% and you're in. Awesome. So go ahead and covet your neighbors wife and start praying to false idols. I don't care. Just pay, and your one of the chosen.

Hurray, first 100 members get in at 3% total annual income.