The Biggest A-Hole I have ever met Plays in our NL Game

[Shaun]

Holy sh*t was this guy a jerk! He sits down tonight and I barely notice him- and for good reason- he played no hands. The game starts only 6 handed and then his friend, the guy who brought him to the game, busts out and leaves. Oh boy were we in for it.

I straddle for 2$, and the guy to my left, double-straddles for 4. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] In our game, a double straddle is live, as is a triple, quadruple, LOL you get the idea. Anyway, I pick up 88. I just complete the double straddle and 4 of us (of course the a-hole folds, more on that later) see the flop. It comes Q83r. The small blind, actually the same guy who had aces vs my kings in that other thread, Overbets the pot 20 dollars. I am thrilled of course, and I reraise him 30 more. He then goes all-in for another 65 or so. I call and he knows that he is screwed and says this, then shows QJ. After I win the pot, the a-hole who has barely played a hand starts talking about what a horrible play this was. OK sure, it was a bad play. But this guy has never played with me and the small blind and I have a long history. Of course, the new guy goes on and on and BERATES my opponent FOR LOSING a hand to me when I raise.

As the night goes on, in between comments about how "No hand is worth 6 dollars pre-flop" this loser plays only Premium hands, occasionally slumming with AJs. Of course, he gets no action anytime he has a hand, but is miraculously up- probably from his friend or some hand I missed. Anyway he informs us that we are all terrible and that he wins so much money etc etc. He goes on and on.

Now I am quite the talker during the poker game, and I get a kick out of this guy. I continue to inform him that "he has never seen a player the likes of me, and that in fact, I could probably never work again if I could just played him heads up everyday". I get the table into riotous laughter over and over again at this guy's expense, more to smooth over things at the table than stroke my ego, as he is berating people left and right and again, constantly informing everyone how inferior they are to him.

You know that guy on the internet who berates everyone? This is him squared. Anyway, I continue to goad him all night. I tell him "the only way he will get a cent off me is if I flop aces full against his quads". In between his rude comments, and him informing everyone that he is better than all of us, I try and keep the mood light and pleasant.

Then, my buddy and Mr. A-Hole get in a hand. My buddy is the guy that got berated for the QJ play. My buddy doubles through Mr. A-hole by trapping him with a set of aces when the A-hole has AJ. I LAUGH MY A** OFF and congratulate my friend, even taking his picture after the hand.

Now this A-Hole is on ubertilt. He is pissed. He even tries to say that, because he turned the nut flush draw with his top pair, he should have won. He is an idiot clearly, but I laugh this off. Later, he goes all-in preflop after a raise and a call in front. My friend folds QQ and my other friend folds JJ. I congratulate him on his win and he shows AK. I'd have folded anything but AA against this bafoon because, why give him a chance to double up with no work? He got no action from me, and I continually informed him that "his play was so transparent that I could probably play blind and, as long as an Ace didn't hit the flop, move him off his hand." LOL. Of course I was just trying to make people laugh to lighten up the mood in between this guy berating folks for betting with bad kickers or calling with a draw, etc etc.

Anyway, after dropping to about even, the A-Hole tries to rathole. We explain that this is not allowed in our game. He whines and then tries to cash out ALL his money but then BUY BACK IN. We get pissed and explain that he can either leave it all in play, or just sit out. He picthes a fit and then gives in. Unfortunately, this jerk sucks out to a broadway straight against the guy who owns the house, and gets paid off huge. He then REACHES INTO THE PLAYER'S STACK and EXCLAIMS YOU OWE ME 100$, you owe me 100$. My friend pays him all-in. Then tells him that what he has done is extremely rude.

The jerk then says "cash me out then". This is the last straw. I tell him that he had better cash out, and then get the f8ck out. The problem is, he has no ride home. The fourth regular player in the game whom I have not mentioned had agreed earlier to give him a ride. By now, all of us hate this guy and want him dead, but we are nice people. He continues to try and defend his behavior and then I tell him to call a cab and get out- Take what he won and buy a ride home. After 10 minutes of uncomfortable arguing, the game breaks up and this f*ck is still sitting here waiting for his ride home. He won't spring for a cab. I leave and unfortunately for the fourth player in the game, he had to take this pr*ck home. Everyone else in the game is too nice to say get out and call a cab.

Now, a strategic question: should we have A) Beaten this guy to a pulp and then left him for dead in a ditch somewhere minus whatever money he had.
B) Drove him home and broken up the game.
or C) Made him leave the house on foot and let him use his flashy cell phone to call a cab.

I think C, because I felt really really sorry for the guy that drove him home. If it was me I'd have dropped him off at the closest gas station. I have never had a more unpleasant time winning money in my life. [img]/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img]

[AJo Go All In]

you guys are babies.

[Shaun]

Trust me, had any reasonable person been there they would have been in shock at this guy. I have never seen anything like it.

[dogsballs]

My strategy would be to match him obnoxiousness for obnoxiousness and then have a drunken fight. I can be good at that. You people are too nice.

[wontons]

I don't understand how he was owed 100 dollars and reached for it from the other players stack..i would have cut his fingers off if anyone reaches for money in my stack, before..during or after any hand.

[Acesover8s]

Well, jeeze. You could have just told me not to come back again in person.

[ThaSaltCracka]

we usually play home games at my place, and if this person was at my house and reached for my chips, and I didn't know him he would have gotten punched so hard in the face, then kicked out with no money, end of story

[J_V]

well you're a retard too.

[Gronk]

Sounds like an unpleasant person to have at the table. In my regular home game we've never had this problem despite a rotating group of up to 20 players but it wouldn't be tolerated. If he didn't cool it after the first half hour we'd have cashed him out and sent him on his way peacefully. If he reached into another player's stack he'd have lost his money and gotten a beating though depending on who he did it to.

[Redhotman]

When the game breaks up wait to everyone is heading out the door. One person is in front. THey stop short and punch him right in the gut. The next person comes up from behind and delivers a baseball bat to his legs. As he falls to the ground take a thick bag and wrap it around his neck suffocating him. Procede to kick the [censored] out of him. Empty his pockets of all money credit cards. if he has a social security card sell it on the black market, same with credit cards. (i know a guy if u live in florida). Dont forget to take his jewerly and jacket.

After he is dead, or close to it, you ahve to find a place to bury him. A rural area is always best, somewhere that people will not come accross easily.
A good strategy is to pay someone to dispose of the body for you. (i know a guy if you are interested, pm me)
The best way will likely we to burn the corpse. A good way is to drag him into the woods and start a forest fire, with him inside. You cna then say he was drunk at your house and ran into the woods 25 miles down the road.