I can't take this life anymore

#1 11-03-2005, 01:56 PM

This is hard to even write so I wish no-one will post "YSCCKY" or anything like that.

At age of 15 for some reason all my friends started to call me with names, threat to kill me, and stuff like that. It was hell in the school, and sometimes I got beat ed up very badly and after that I have been afraid of trusting anyone and been kind of scared of meeting people.
I thought it everything was going to change when after I changed school at age of 16 and none of my "friends" came to that school, no such a luck i was too afraid to make contact with anyone because I felt like I'm piece of [censored] and no-one cares about me. I could hear in my head how people were laughing to me. So I started to skip lessons because I didn't wanna meet the bad people.. soon I was skipping days and soon I didn't go school in a week and so on, I got fired after about year this going on. I had nothing to do with my life and I was spending all my days at home, because I had no hobbies or no contacts to outside world, soon I started to gamble at first I was just loosing little money. Then I found poker, and rather soon I was actually making good money.. it didn't matter and still doesn't because the only reason I gamble for is to make myself feel like someone not just worthless worm.
I was hoping that when I have a lot of money my life would somehow become better, LOL, it didn't change anything.

In nutshell:
I'm extremely depressed now and have had suicidal thoughts, I haven't had friend or anyone to talk with 4 years, I just sit in front of my computer everyday, I lie to people asking about my situation because it somehow makes it feel better when i don't show how weak I am, my relationship to parents is bad and they have kept saying all these years how bright I am and I just must keep fighting and someday my life will became better because I'm still young, but somehow I feel like they just don't wanna see me anymore. I've never even kissed with a girl because I know they would hate me just like everyone else.

I have thought about my situation and came to conclusion that I have two option A) Make a radical positive change in my life B) End my life.
Hopefully posting this is the first step to happier life..

krimson · #2 11-03-2005, 02:01 PM

I think the answer is pretty obvious. Go to a doctor and look into medication, or go to a therapist or something.

Gambling (even if you're a winning player) is going to be pretty disastrous for treating depression. A downswing will come and you'll be 10x worse then you are right now.

#3 11-03-2005, 02:07 PM

I feel like seeing a doctor would be like admitting my weakness..
As for poker I don't care anymore if I lose or win I just don't feel it some weeks I lose $20k who cares.. I just say "ohh" and keep going.

revots33 · #4 11-03-2005, 02:15 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I feel like seeing a doctor would be like admitting my weakness..

[/ QUOTE ]

We are all human beings. No matter how well some try to hide it, we all have weakness. There is no shame in it. A doctor or therapist will be able to help you. Admitting you need help takes more courage than putting on a brave front. You mentioned making a radical positive change in your life. Getting help for your depression is the most positive change you can make.

sternroolz · #5 11-03-2005, 02:18 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I feel like seeing a doctor would be like admitting my weakness..
As for poker I don't care anymore if I lose or win I just don't feel it some weeks I lose $20k who cares.. I just say "ohh" and keep going.

[/ QUOTE ]

You don't have a choice if you want to get better. You have emotional and most likely medically treatable problems. You need to see a professional. None of this "I don't believe in psychologists, I can get better on my own" bs. YOU NEED TREATMENT NOW! There is NO other solution available.

Or you can continue to be Eyore.

andyfox · #6 11-03-2005, 02:18 PM

"I feel like seeing a doctor would be like admitting my weakness."

So what? We all need help at times.

There's so much good stuff in life--you're missing it. Get professional help. Everyone needs a fresh start every once in a while. Sounds like you're going to be unable to get one unless you have guidance. Usually, time gets a person out of their funk, but as someone who's been there twice in his life, I can tell you that having someone who's seen similar afflications can be a great help.

Go get help today. You can have many happy years in front of you.

Snoogins47 · #7 11-03-2005, 08:00 PM

[ QUOTE ]
"I feel like seeing a doctor would be like admitting my weakness."

So what? We all need help at times.

There's so much good stuff in life--you're missing it. Get professional help. Everyone needs a fresh start every once in a while. Sounds like you're going to be unable to get one unless you have guidance. Usually, time gets a person out of their funk, but as someone who's been there twice in his life, I can tell you that having someone who's seen similar afflications can be a great help.

Go get help today. You can have many happy years in front of you.

[/ QUOTE ]

Admitting your own weakness, in my humble opinion, is one of the most important steps toward growth of any sort. As human beings, we've been granted the unparallelled ability to fall flat on our asses, and while we often manage to get up, the hardest part is being able to stand up and say "I did NOT mean to do that."

I'll leave the specific advice to those more well versed than I (I have a 100 level 'Intro to Psychology' class under my belt, and haven't personally been on the "patient" end either) but I can do the personal testimony thing pretty well here. Most of high-school was absolutely hell for me... I don't have any magical cures, or anything to say to erase it all, but you can put me down as another voice loudly echoing the "there's always a light at the end." sentiment. There is. I don't know who you are, or what you do, but your life is worth living, and worth enjoying.

krimson · #8 11-03-2005, 04:13 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I feel like seeing a doctor would be like admitting my weakness..

[/ QUOTE ]
You already have admitted your weaknesses, to a public internet forum. So now that that is out the way, go to a doctor [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

fatpants · #9 11-07-2005, 05:30 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I feel like seeing a doctor would be like admitting my weakness..

[/ QUOTE ]

Pure crap.

If you broke your arm would going to the hospital to get a cast be admitting weakness?
If you had bronchitis would taking penecillin be admitting weakness?

Depression is an illness like any physical ailment. Getting medical treatment for it, like any sickness is just prudent and healthy thinking.

Good luck.

FP

#10 11-09-2005, 12:31 AM

Im not going to be ugly with you all because I know you are all trying to help. However your medical advice with regards to drug therapy is atrocious. I am a Pharm.D. and experience people with depression and all of the medications spoken of above clinically every single day. Please leave the medical stuff to the professionals and do not discuss things you do not have a clue as to what your talking about. You may do more harm than good. Just because you took it does not mean your an expert.