giving your gf money...

[DcifrThs]

ok, so here's the situation. my girlfriend gets paid biweekly. she doesn't have a lot of spending money as a result of breaking her ankle a few months back (dirtbiking). She has to pay the hospital bills and lives about 40 miles from work. so she drives 80miles/day in a saturn (probably 2003 model, maybe newer). I figure she gets on average 25miles/gallon and her tank holds less than 10 gallons (i filled it up once and was shocked how little it held). so basically we're looking at 200 or so mi/tank. so about 2 tanks for the work week + driving to see me. thats 2.25 tanks *3*8= about 50 bucks.

in the past (last time she visited) i stuck $40 in her purse for gas, she said thanks that was it. I buy her whatever she wants within reason when we go to the mall and take care of everything financially. i like spoiling her, makes me happy. but i dont want her to feel dependent or something like that...

which brings me to the point. i want to give her enough cash to easily get through the week w/o a problem. probably like $100 or $120 and fill her tank for her while she's here.

is this out of place? she lives at home and her parents dont give her anything except a place to live and some food, but no spending money at all. she basiclaly had to tap her available cash to pay hospital & piano & car payments. obviously, by my rambling i feel a bit weird about just giving her money, ya know? and i dont want her to feel like a prostitute or something. id rather not talk about it with her b/c its an unneccessary topic of discussion and it would make her likely feel worse about her situation...

so do i just put $100 or $120 in her purse before she leaves assuming she visits on saturday???

thanks,
Barron

[Vavavoom]

Give her money but tell her why you are doing it as opposed to making her feel like a "hooker".....

There's nothing wrong with trying to help her...Thats what "love" is about.....Just let her know its whilst she is on the mend...

You are making decent money playing [censored], so trying to aid her whilst she has the bad ankle isn't a bad gesture at all...

Only downside is you could be setting a precedent....

[jakethebake]

I've run into this before too. You really just want to do something nice for them, but you're afraid that the nice gesture will make them uncomfortable. Sometimes it does. How do you still do it without them feeling that way? Great question. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[DcifrThs]

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I've run into this before too. You really just want to do something nice for them, but you're afraid that the nice gesture will make them uncomfortable. Sometimes it does. How do you still do it without them feeling that way? Great question. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

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thanks, any ideas??

Barron

[jaydub]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I've run into this before too. You really just want to do something nice for them, but you're afraid that the nice gesture will make them uncomfortable. Sometimes it does. How do you still do it without them feeling that way? Great question. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

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thanks, any ideas??

Barron

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It's all going to depend on your relationship. In some relationships this can put you in a problematic provider role, in others this can simply be the nice gesture you want it to be. Since we are on the outside, we cannot tell you if this will cause a problem in your specific relationship, only that this can cause a problem. Factors such as length and depth of the relationship, personal views on money, and personality types will determine the result.

If you do give her a substantial (to her) amount of money, I highly recommend you do it with the attitude of "money ain't a thing". I wouldn't even get into calling it a loan, just make a throwaway comment like you can pay me back when you get a chance. Pretend like you have so much money that giving her that amount has no effect on you. Of course you will be best served if you actually have that view. It sounds like you don't care about the money and have no concerns about getting paid back, which is very good here.

Also, have you considered just waiting until she asks?

[canis582]

$5,200/year. What percent of your income is that?

[jaydub]

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$5,200/year. What percent of your income is that?

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That ain't even my starbucks budget [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

wtf is the context for this question? $100/week * 52 weeks? [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

[tolbiny]

Check out some of barron's posts in the Unmentionable forums- i don't think a couple of grand a year is going to break him.

[tpir90036]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I've run into this before too. You really just want to do something nice for them, but you're afraid that the nice gesture will make them uncomfortable. Sometimes it does. How do you still do it without them feeling that way? Great question. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

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thanks, any ideas??

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Uhhh, how about talking to her about it? Fire up a quick and low key conversation while you are chowing McNuggets at the food court and just get it over with.

[daveymck]

My GF relies almost totally on me for money, mainly as she was ill last year and with me working away her job made life very difficult for her and the kids. There are tax reasons behind as well.

Her life is easier and she is happier but as Blarg has said there is some underlying tensions there. There is no allowance and I dont audit what she spends it on or whatever but she has said a few times "oh I forget I dont have any money do I" which may be down to me, her or as I suspect a bit of both.

Money can be a very touchy subject in many relationshps so tread carefully.