Storytime

[jokerthief]

It's Saturday night and I'm working (i.e. playing *****). Tell me a good story. Just for good measure, I'll tell one first.

I was a freshman living on the eighth floor of my college's biggest party dorm. It was week one and everyone had a very libertine attitude. I met a girl before the weekend and we decided to party together. This girl was very hot and I had too many hormones and not enough time. I was urgent but it didn't matter, she was urgent as well.

We went out Friday and hit the party scene hard. Many drinks and many a flirt were the theme of the night. The long walk back to the dorm was filled with sweet nothings that meant everything. Both of us knew what awaited our return. This is what both of us have been plotting since we laid eyes on each other.

Finally, we made our way back to our room. I tell my Infatuation to take a seat on the couch. I'm in control now. I'll set the pace. She is receptive. One more beer and a few more innuendos are needed before….. Now is the time for action and I move in for the kiss. Tongue in tongue, we are in a passionate embrace. Then the unexpected happens. She moves her tongue in too far and I puke directly into her mouth.

Needless to say, I didn't SIIHP or anywhere else for that matter.

[flatline]

I'm calling BS.

[Macdaddy Warsaw]

Dude...you were going to vomit anyway unless this chick is A)the absolute worst kisser ever and B) has an insanely long tongue.

The tongue should never get past the teeth.

[jokerthief]

[ QUOTE ]
Dude...you were going to vomit anyway unless this chick is A)the absolute worst kisser ever and B) has an insanely long tongue.

The tongue should never get past the teeth.

[/ QUOTE ]

This was a while ago. I do know that this definitely had something to do with technique however. It happened once and I was able to keep my composure. The second time, well, I blew.

This is bullshit though. I post my most embarrassing moment ever, hoping to get some entertainment in return, and no one has a decent story. I'm sitting here in the grind and am wondering if anyone at 2+2 has ever gotten outside. There has to be some good stories out there. Some of you must have [censored] up or aced life in one of its dimensions. (either one would make a good story)

[flatline]

It helps if you tell a believable story.

[jokerthief]

[ QUOTE ]
It helps if you tell a believable story.

[/ QUOTE ]

If you think that this is unbelievable then what can I say? I can never tell you a story. None of my good stories would be believable to you. This story is very tame.

You are either very young or haven't lived the gonzo lifestyle nearly enough. Get out more. Tear this world a new assholee. Chaos is living.

[peterchi]

[ QUOTE ]
It helps if you tell a believable story.

[/ QUOTE ]
wtf??

This story happens all the time. I've had many friends tell me about this happening to them.

And frankly, I think jokerthief told it very well. I laughed throughout it even as I knew what was coming.

[DavidC]

I know I'm coming into this about 10 hours too late, but regardless of whether the story was true or not, I'll post three embarassing moments. None of which really approach the OP. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

-------

1) I'm at my new college for computer programming. I'm talking with an older woman who's a student there, smart lady, used to be in air traffic control. (She's married and middle-aged, btw.) Anyways, I see an insanely hot chick smoking, I'm not really the popular type, so I lament, "You know what sucks, hot chicks either smoke, or hang out with idiots."

She looks at me and says, "Well, Dave, I don't smoke, so you must be an idiot."

----

2) I'm on a first date. My first GF loved vanilla, would use vanilla shampoo and her hair always smelled wonderful. The person I'm on the date with is having a good time, things are going well, and we hug. I look deeply into her eyes and say, "Your hair smells... like hair."

You should be seeing a pattern of social stupidity developing here. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

As an aside, a word of advice if you a playing pool on a first date. If you can get away with it, use one cue. It brings you together more often.

---

3) I was ordering at a fast food place, looking the waitress right in the eyes, deep voice, smiling, and just generally very aggressive body language. It was enough that the waitress actually stuttered when taking my order after serving the rest of the line ahead of me flawlessly.

A few things here: I hope that she wasn't completely nervous and offended. It's ridiculously easy to do this to women who are maybe 15-16. I had no intention of hitting it.

Anyways, I'm with two friends. She goes to get my stuff and my one buddy says, "Holy [censored], Dave, that was so smooth." My other buddy (one behind the first buddy) says loudly, "Dave's gunna be POPPIN' some cheries tonight!"

Everyone in line, and at the tables closest to the line, looked directly at my buddy, then at me, while myself and buddy #1 were looking at the offender with our mouths wide open, in shock.

Funny part is that I don't think the waitress heard, because of noise from coolers and other machines / distance from the offender, etc.

---

I hope you enjoyed my lame stories. I guess you had to be there.

[img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

--Dave.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
1) I'm at my new college for computer programming. I'm talking with an older woman who's a student there, smart lady, used to be in air traffic control. (She's married and middle-aged, btw.) Anyways, I see an insanely hot chick smoking, I'm not really the popular type, so I lament, "You know what sucks, hot chicks either smoke, or hang out with idiots."

She looks at me and says, "Well, Dave, I don't smoke, so you must be an idiot."

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't think this should be embarrassing. I would have laughed pretty hard. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[peterchi]

Number 1 is funny [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] Man I wish I were that quick with retorts.