Looking for some semblance of sanity...

[SirFelixCat]

This is a x-post from one of the other message boards I frequent. So forgive if some of it seems a little "over explained" when it comes to the poker aspect.


Last weekend, I typed for an hour and a half to explain why I was going to give playing poker for a living, a go. Funny, yet not-so-funny, my computer ran a cleanup scan and cleared my cookies during that time and when I tried to post it, and it said I had to log back in, I lost it all :rant: :censored:

So I thought I'd give it another go, but I’ve had a TON of things on my mind these last few weeks. I think I’m going to try here, but if I ramble, bear with me. I have not had a good night’s sleep in 3 weeks. I am seriously stressed out. I think I know why, but I’m going to try and write this and see if this doesn’t help. My “therapy” if you will.

I’ve been playing cards for most of my life. I started playing gin with my mom back when I was 5 and have played off and on since then. I have gotten serious into it the last 3 or 4 years, though.

I spent from the age of 18 to 26 in the Marine Corps, working Avionics on F/A-18’s. During that time, we’d have poker games in the barracks, or when we were at sea, and, when we went on deployment to a town that had a casino nearby, I would go play. My first trip to a casino, at least being of legal age (18 on the Indian Reservations), was when I was 19. Paradise Casino in Yuma, Arizona. Got my clock cleaned, but I loved it. Then next time I went, it was 2 years later and I had read books and practiced. I spent 56 hours in the poker room w/i a 2-week period. My biggest night, I took down @$750 profit, playing 4/8 hold’em. It was a good night [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

Since then, I played mostly in home games, esp. when I got out of the Marine Corps. Now, mind you, it was never anything more than a hobby, or a way to have fun. The times I was able to play, just playing held as much an importance to me as winning money did. I just loved the game. In all its forms: From Hold’em (HE), Omaha Hi, Omaha 8/Better, Stud, everything. Let me give a little backstory here if I may:


My biological father was a textbook model of everything wrong with a man. He was a con man, involved with the mob, beat my mother, ran rackets, was in prison numerous times, and was a big time gambler. My mother (God Bless her soul) stole me away from him back when I was around 7 or 8 and we were on the run from him from then out until someone did me a favor and killed him when I was @16.

To make a long story short, my mom met up with a man when I was 8, who, from then on, would think of as my true father. They married and we were a family. Mike (my step-dad, but I have NEVER thought of him as such) had a son who was 2 years older than me. We moved to Oregon and, while we never were well off, he did what he had to, to make sure we were provided for. I grew up around serious drug use, alcoholism, smoking, the whole bit. But I think I am better off because of it. While most of my family is totally dysfunctional, I think I’ve done well for myself. I have never touched a drug in my life, never smoked, and rarely drink. But I do like to gamble (though using that term for poker is skewed, but most people will see it as such, so I digress). More specifically, I like to play cards. And I’m damn good at it too. But, due to my biologically father having been a serious gambler, it has always had a stigma attached to it, when it comes to me. My only “vice” if you will. Keep in mind, that I do not have a compulsive personality. And my better half knows this. I do it to have fun and make money. Yet, I do not HAVE to play. I NEVER risk more than I can safely afford to lose. Yet, that stigma has been burned into me. Gambling/Poker is BAD!


Getting back from my tangent, when I was getting ready to get out of the Marine Corps and go on terminal leave, it was Sept. 2001. I had worked in aviation electronics the entire 9-year tour and REALLY wanted to do the same when I got out. I figured I could get a well paying job w/o a problem. Then, 3 days into my terminal leave, 9/11 happened. I spent the next year waiting tables at 2 jobs to provide for my girlfriend and myself. Mind you, she had a job as well, but she was also going to school. So I did what I had to, to make ends meet until the aviation sector picked back up.

After a year or so doing that, I finally was able to land a job doing what I did in the Marines, but on civilian aircraft. I thought I really loved it. I really knew that I was not willing to admit to myself that I did not want to make a career out of it. But, I only had a little college and did not want to have spent 9 years in a career and waste that. I would not accept that. So, I persevered. After 2 years there, I was tired of being under appreciated and well under paid. I heard about the V-22 project and was intrigued. A 200% raise helped too [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] So that is how I came to work where I do now.

Anyway, the pay is good. The benefits are solid. But you know what? I loathe working on aircraft. I think what finally made me realize this was, that, 2 weeks ago, I turned 30. Not old by any stretch, but it did afford me the opportunity to reflect on where I am in my life and where I want to go. I realized that I do NOT want to continue in the aviation field. I also realized that for any other career that even remotely interests me, I would need to go back and finish school. That, in turn, would require me to continue in a field that I truly have lost the love for. And, to be honest, I am not willing to do that.

Tangent: Funny, we got to talking at work, the other night, about how many people do you think are truly happy in their line of work? I mean, who out there would, if the pay was commiserating with what they are making now, change jobs, if they could? I would venture that a huge percentage would. And that, folks, is sad. Truly sad. Sure, sometimes, people get trapped. I can understand that. But I really think that, more often than that, people get complacent and they are terrified to take a risk and venture out into the unknown. They have a safe career, with safe money, and a safe life. In which they are unhappy I do not want that to be me. I don’t want to be unhappy, nay, miserable, in my line of work. Your career is too large a chunk of your life to be unhappy in it, no? Yet many people are ok with that. I have come to that point in my life where I am no longer ok with it. It’s time for a change. I NEED to be happy. /end tangent.

Now, it has nothing to do with the company I work for now. In fact, I have a pretty easy job, esp. for the money I’m getting paid to do it. It’s the line of work itself. So that got me thinking…I have always loved math. I took 6 years of it in my 4 years of high school. Also, I have always had a natural ability to excel in every game/sport I have ever tried to play (save for golf :rant: [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] ). This is especially true in billiards, chess, and poker. Those 3, in particular, all are based on math and higher thinking. I went to the state championship in chess, when I was in high school, although I had only started playing it about 3 months prior. Back when I was 19-21, I was good enough, both by others opinions, and the amount of money it was providing to me, to try my hand at being a pool pro. I was playing 6 hours a day, 6 days a week. And it paid very well as a “side job”. But, I had other priorities and I don’t think Uncle Sam would have been all that keen on the idea, so that went by the wayside.

I have always made money playing cards. Early on, I just figured I was lucky, but after reading more, studying and from comparing my play to others, I have come to realize that, well, I’m pretty a’ight at the game [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] Esp. Hold’em and Omaha.

So, that, coupled with being miserable in my career, I breeched the idea of trying to make it playing cards for a living to my better half. To my utter amazement, she thinks I can. And we have come to the agreement to give it a 3-month trial next spring. If after that 3-month experiment, we feel it’s a viable income, I will officially quit my job (I’m planning on taking a leave-of-absence from my current job) and play full time. I’ve run the numbers and everything says I should be able to.

If I do not succeed, I still have my 12 years of aviation experience to fall back on. And even if I can’t take a LOA from work, I will have no trouble finding a good paying job in my industry, either direct or as a contractor. So I have my safety net.

Is the idea crazy? Damn right it is. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. I am. Very much so. But I also know that I am more scared of not trying it. I don’t want to be 70 and have the regret of not trying to live one of my dreams. I’d much rather try it and fail than to have that regret.

Now, keep in mind, that I’m not doing this willy-nilly. My better half has a decent job in which she has full benefits, so that is taken care of. We have no children, yet. No mortgage. One car paid off. The other will be next summer. If I don’t do it now, I might never get the chance. Yet, I’m still scared. Not scared of failing. That’s why it’s not til next spring. So that we can save up enough to cover in case I do fail. So I’m not “playing scared”. Also, I do not plan on doing this, long-term. It’s a means to an end. See, my better half has a dream of owning and running a wholesale coffee roasting business. She and I helped get one off the ground back when we lived in South Carolina, so we have experience in it. She has been doing that for most of her life. So the 3 year plan, once I get started playing, is to save enough to get her business off of the ground and to quit playing and help run it. Could we do that and have the security of my current job? Sure, but I’m not willing to be that unhappy for that long. So, here we are.

I think the main reason I’m scared is because of the stigma of it and my biological father’s compulsion. While my mother is gone, my dad, I do not think, will look favorably on this, AT ALL. He has always been the “voice in my head” saying that it’s wrong and that I have it in my genes…the compulsion to gamble. I truly disagree with him. I don’t have any interest at all in any other gambling games. I just love poker. Always have. But, coupled with my dad, I have the in-laws in my head telling me how crazy I am and that they cannot believe their daughter married into this. Mind you, no one outside of us two, and all of you know about this. But that doesn’t stop them from being in my head.

Because of that, the misery that is my job, and not being able to sleep, I’ve been pretty damn miserable the last couple of weeks. I really don’t know how to kick this funk I’m in. I guess the reason I wrote all of this and let you all in is because, well, I’m fairly anonymous to most of you, and I guess I need outside input. I understand this is not “the norm” nor what is “socially acceptable”. But it’s something I enjoy. I truly like it. And I really think I can make enough money, consistently, to succeed. I’m not looking to get rich and play in the huge stakes in Vegas. I just want to grind it out and save enough to be my own boss. It just so happens that, along the way, I enjoy my job in the mean time.

At the same time, I have read the odds and I have heard the horror stories. I do not feel that I’m above all of that. But there are 2 rules that I do know about myself: 1) The golden rule of poker “Never ever play outside of your bankroll” i.e. Don’t play in stakes in which you cannot afford. 2) I have no desire to play other casino games other than poker. They do not interest me.

Well, if you’ve read this whole bit, thank you, and I’m sorry to have rambled on like this, but like I said, I needed the therapy of writing it all out. I really would appreciate any and all feedback from you, my anonymous friends. If you think I’m crazy, hey, that’s ok to say. I welcome both sides to this. I just am looking for outside feedback.

May 1st, 2006….The beginning.

[CardSharpCook]

I don't get it... is this you? Well, I'm going through this transition right now. I did it by spending my free-time playing poker. 40-45 hours a week as a cook in N.O. 10-20 hours as an online poker player. When I started to see big discrepencies in my return from the the two pursuits, I started thinking.... I might suggest you do the same. Start spending your free time playing poker. Also, Poker SUCKS!!!! You will get so freaking bored of this game. The "mental challenges" dry up so quickly. Variance is a mother fcker. Sitting at your computer 8 hours a day taking OPM isn't great for the self-esteem. Think about this seriously. Poker players do so little for society. Very unrewarding that way. OTOH, you can do it. A monkey can do it (but it has to be one of those emotionless monkies). Seriously, barring tilt, I can teach anyone to do this (everyone here KNOWS how, but not all of them are capable emotionally/mentally). So, GL, but....


CSC

[SirFelixCat]

Yes it is me. And yes, I play quite a bit online already. Yes I agree, it can get stale after a bit, but at the same time, I am going to be playing a mix of live and online. I see online as my bread 'n butter. While not a sure thing, with bonuses and rakeback, it will be my main income. But I will supplement it with live play. I MUCH prefer playing live and have found that my bb/100 is higher live than online, as mostly online, I've been chasing bonuses, playing much lower limits than live.

I hear what you're saying. Hence the post. BUT, you set your own schedule. As long as you're disciplined, you can live a much more free life, or so it seems.

Lastly, this is not the long-term career. It's a means to an end that is something I enjoy doing, much more so that my current career.

I appreciate the feedback. Please, keep it coming.

[CardSharpCook]

Yeah, Felix, it is means to an end for me as well. I make $10 an hour as a cook. I can't provide for a family on this income. If I can do this for a year, play a disciplined 4K hands a day, five days a week, I can save up a substantial amount of money. I can then return to cooking and $10 an hour while having this money grow in more typical investments. That is the plan, anyway.

But yes, you can totally do this. And yes it is all about discipline, and you military background will help.

Also, live play vs online is strange. Live you make more, but are more heavily raked. And, of course, you're playing one table at half speed instead of 4 or 8 or 12.

CSC

[SirFelixCat]

And hence why I realize that online will be my bread winner. If for no other reason, I will play live to keep from burnout. Keep it fresh. After staring at a computer screen for hours on end, the change up will be nice.

Thanks for the vote of confidence. The idea is still new and I'm still wrapping my head around it, but again, I ran the numbers and it seems quite plausible.

Hoping others will chime in as well over the next few days/weeks.

[SirFelixCat]

Did I post this in the wrong part of the board? I'm a lil surprised that I have gotten no other responses today... [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

[dogsballs]

[ QUOTE ]
If for no other reason, I will play live to keep from burnout. Keep it fresh. After staring at a computer screen for hours on end, the change up will be nice.


[/ QUOTE ]


Bonkers!

You don't go play live to keep from burnout. You go hiking for a few days or summin.

[[censored]]

could someone post or PM me the link for the OOT, mine seems to be broken or something.

[Pyromaniac]

Interesting post!

You're right, most people aren't happy in their current jobs. (I don't have a handy source, so I'll just make up a statistic...7/10...80%...something like that [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img])

And yet, most people fear leaving their current jobs, for all sorts of reasons. Bottom line is, for most of humanity, the comfortable status quo is safer than the perils of the unknown.

So...a lot of us get stuck in can't-stay-but-can't-go mode.

Your idea's not insane...I think you're just worried about what people will think. And that's a legitimate worry. But you've got your better half supporting you in this, and I think that's ultimately more important than what anyone else in the family thinks. And if you want to make a good logical argument for it being a "sane business venture" you can do a decent job of that. You're thinking through and exploring all the details of this. You accept that it's a risk. You have realistic fallback plans. You're getting experience proving that you can be successful part-time before jumping in full-time. If someone can't get past the "poker" part of it, have them substitute "wholesale coffee roasting business" for "poker" and see if they still object.

...actually, since that's your wife's dream, you might talk about it like that. "Here's her plan for a business...and here's my similar plan"...

Others here have suggested that being a poker pro doesn't have to be viewed too differently from being a golf pro or a tennis pro at the country club...you might try substituting "golf" or "tennis" for poker, to help others wrap their minds around the idea.

Ultimately, though, it's your life, and the decisions that are most important are yours and your spouse's. It may take a long time for others to accept what you choose to do, but is that a good enough reason to spend your life doing something that you don't want to do?

[SirFelixCat]

Pyro, many thanks for that. I agree that I am a little leary of others thoughts of this (others being those important to me, ie family, friends etc). But you make some very good points. I truly appreciate the feedback.