Explaining Poker to a Non-Playing Girlfriend/Wife

[USGrant]

I'm considering stopping online poker b/c my fiancee is unnerved by it. Two things she cited recently about online poker that really struck a chord with me:

1 - online poker is a huge turn off (it means being alone, in front of a computer screen, for multiple hours, during my time off from work, when it's sunny and warm outside; she imagines me turning into a fat, pasty, pale, gamer-type with a pony tail and a 32 oz Pepsi with him at all times)

2 - she's embarrased to tell her friends that I play poker online (i.e., that I "gamble" in my spare time).

Now, I never sacrfice our time together when she's around. I always stand up from the computer when she arrives at my place. I play when she's not around or early morning/late night on the weekend when she's sleeping. I play maybe 10 hours a week. I have described the game to her and how I play it and study it maybe 23 times. I have my PT stats on hand to show my profitability. It is not a matter of making money for her, it's just that I gamble. She'd rather I spend my spare time doing something "healthier." She says that she can learn to accept it eventually, but I don't think she will. I'd rather have her in my life than online poker, because I'm not a complete idiot, but this totally sucks.

This is the second time I posted on this -- who else has run into a similar problem and how do you/did you handle it?

Thanks in advance for all advice that includes the sentiment "just dump the biatch, yo"

[vexvelour]

I've never been put in this situation, because I'm the girlfriend...and the boyfriend is an avid poker player.

However, boyfriend's mom was starting to hear the words "poker tournament" more and more often and in typical mom style told us we were gonna be a crazy out of control gambling duo. I took the time to bring over some of the books I'd read and lightly discussed poker with her.

Long story short, she has since bought a poker table top, a huge set of chips, a shuffler, and insists we play poker everytime we go over (for free, boo!). She caught the bug.

If your girlfriend is willing to learn the game, there are numerous ways to get her to catch the bug, so to speak. Take her to a casino. Organize a home game (but you gotta be patient). You know! Shes probably just upset that you're online: maybe doing something unfaithful. Put her mind at ease...and maybe you'll end up a crazy poker playing duo. [img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]

[RunDownHouse]

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Shes probably just upset that you're online: maybe doing something unfaithful. Put her mind at ease...

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This is exactly why you should probably just dump the biatch, yo.

[toots]

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Shes probably just upset that you're online: maybe doing something unfaithful. Put her mind at ease...

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This is exactly why you should probably just dump the biatch, yo.

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That's generally advice I'd give to any poker player, but only because it's evolutionarily +EV if the average poker player never gets the opportunity to spawn.

[Buck_65]

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That's generally advice I'd give to any poker player, but only because it's evolutionarily +EV if the average poker player never gets the opportunity to spawn.

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Incorrect, sir. It is +EV in terms of dollars for the poker player to live in solitude, but very -EV in terms of what life is really all about: happiness

[gomberg]

My live-in girlfriend is very negative on poker. We compromise by me never putting poker in front of her (this includes not trying to go to the WSOP ME this year because we made plans already). So I generally play when she's not around and try to not talk about it as much. I've tried going the opposite route of explaining it to her over and over again, with no luck.

Her arguments aren't about money - just about time, priorities, health, gambling addiction, doing something to help "society", bad image (to her friends and family of a gambler, etc.) I thought the poker boom would loosen her mind up a little on the subject, but so far it hasn't (we've been arguing about this since I started playing online in 2000). She has also told me she'd break up with me if I turn pro (which I have no intention of doing at the moment) [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

[USGrant]

Dude, it's brutal. But you're sticking to it, kudos.

[jkkkk]

wow, tough, love the game, love the girl, i guess sometimes you have to make the sacrifice.

[LuvDemNutz]

I am in the EXACT situation - and do a lot of the exact same things as you do to manage the problem. Play when she's sleeping, not around, etc.

My girlfriend's reasons for disliking poker include:

1) takes time away from me being with her
2) she has concerns about our future and whether or not I'd blow tons of "our" money gambling
3) negative image - poker = gambling = I am a "gambler" - not something to be proud of -

My girl has said many of the same things to me that yours has said to you. Mine has come right out and said to me that she doesn't know if it is something she is willing to accept.

I have done my best to try and explain that it is a game of skill - mathematics - statistics - that it is markedly different from say betting on horses, sports, etc.

I also explain that I am very good at it and that I use it to supplement my income. This part is probably my saving grace in that my girl knows that I have a lot of debt and am working hard to pay it off.
I've also explained to her that WITHOUT Poker I'd pretty much be broke. Including my bankroll I have about $15K to my name. Since I started playing last year, I'm up a little over $20K - do the math.
A lot of it has gone toward paying down debt and getting it under control, but without that extra loot I'd still be buried by mounds of debt.

I've also explained that I have no intention of moving up in limits where the swings could really be damaging. I tell her that I am happy grinding it at the lower limits where the risk is minimal (this part is not entirely true).

I have gone back and forth between not talking at all about it to ONLY talking about when I have a big win. Two weeks ago, I won a tourney on Pokerroom and took down $5K - I called her up and was so excited about it and she was like, "That's nice".

The money aside I also try explaining that it's something that I'm good at and that I enjoy and that I would hope that she would respect that.

One time I even tried to start a "vacation fund" for us where I was putting 10% of my winnings into a jar that we could use to go on vacation. She never really bought into the idea though, so I stopped depositing in the jar.

[JunkHead]

Dumping poker for a woman is most definatly -EV, brother.

My wife knits while I play on my laptop, together watching WPT! Of course, we're an old married couple with 4 kids so it's a little late for her to leave me [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

JunkHead