Poker and parents

[TimM]

Instant messenger convo with Mom. I've seen stories like this before but they were usually from much younger players. Note that I'll be 38 soon and haven't lived with her in a long time. I guess this was brought on by the fact that she wanted to invite me over on my birthday and instead I am using it as an excuse to get out of work and head up to Foxwoods for a 4-day weekend. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

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Mom: Tim, something has been on my mind. Are you doing ok with the gambling. Do I need to worry about you?
Me: no
Mom: Don't be a smart ass. You know what I mean. Is it a problem. [Your step-father] said that if you were losing you would just stop.
Me: i've won so much so far i can't see losing
(I didn't mention this, but I'd have to lose my current 300+BB bankroll 3 times over, or the deposit i built it from 25 times over, to wind up in the red)
Mom: Ok well just be careful because thats when you are vulnerable. When you think you can't lose.
Me: well, i don't know what i could say if anything to make you more comfortable, you'll just have to trust that i know what i'm doing
Mom: I do but since I had not talked to you about it, I did not know where you were at.

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Anyway, I didn't even bother to try to explain, because I know it's impossible. Anything you say just sounds like the same rubbish real compulsive gamblers say. Or if you try to show winning stats it just looks like you've been on a lucky run for a while to someone who doesn't understand the math.

[scotnt73]

im 31 and was raised by my grandmother. about a year ago while visiting her at christmas with my wife and kids i bragged a little to her when we were alone about how i was making more playing poker 20 hours a week than i was at my job working 40 hours a week and that i was saving up a nice bankroll so i could quit my job in 7 years when my youngest daughter graduates from high schooll(ill be 38). she freaked out and started telling me how lucky i was to have such a great computer job and i was going to lose it all like my grandfather used to do husling pool.

needles to say i now tell her i gave up poker. why worry them? just dont mention it. i used to tell my wife how much i won or lost every night when i came to bed. why does she need to ride the rollercoaster with me? i dont talk to her about it anymore either. if she knew how much i won/lost in session nowdays shed freak out.

[TimM]

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going to lose it all like my grandfather used to do husling pool.

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I guess compulsive gambling is common enough that almost everyone will have some family member or friend with this problem, to varying degrees. One of my relatives was a compulsive gambler many years ago, and has been involved with local GA chapters after his recovery. I think I will keep quiet about poker around him.

[Blarg]

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i used to tell my wife how much i won or lost every night when i came to bed. why does she need to ride the rollercoaster with me?

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scotnt73, I admire this way of thinking. It echoes one of the best lessons my father ever gave me.

One time he was reaching into a coral outcropping to see if he could help me get out a beautiful cowrie shell that my little kid arm was too short to get at. Turns out it was the lair of a huge moray eel that had been hiding in the back out of sight. It darted out and bit him hard right in the pad of his thumb and toward his wrist, putting a few big holes right through his hand. There was a lot of blood.

We were both startled as hell and swam to the surface. I felt like it was my fault and was still wide-eyed and startled and kinda panicky. I knew my dad's hand must hurt like hell. Those were big holes and there was so much blood. He had no expression. "Let's swim over a little further from where we went in so your mom doesn't see," he told me. "We'll walk toward the snack bar and take care of it over there."

My mom has an eerie sixth sense for trouble, like most moms do, and I looked back at the beach to see her checking us out. I wondered if she was looking at us funny or just looking at us. My dad was totally cool and calm, and as we were getting out of the water, told me to ask my mother if she wanted a coke to distract her, while he walked on before she could talk to him. My mom looked a little curious when I did, like she might have sensed something but wasn't really sure. I was really jumpy inside and still feeling incredibly guilty for getting my dad in such a painful jam, but I guess I tried my best and somehow throttled it so she didn't catch on.

I was very impressed by my dad's doing what it took to just handle it like a man, not letting either my mother or me panic. It was his problem, and worrying others wouldn't help. I'd been thinking that if it was me I would be crying and twitching and making the biggest scene possible without even really intending to. He was just quiet and cool. By the time my mom got her coke, his hand had been cleaned and bandaged by a doctor.

It's smart and admirable to do things that way, like you do with your wife and poker. There's no value added by getting your wife's emotional state involved in your poker playing. Sometimes people can take the "strong silent type" archetype and push it to absurdity, but it can also just be mature and responsible and kind.

[cardcounter0]

Your Dad is what is known as a "Real Man".
I'm sure he gave you a lot of life lessons.
[img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[Blarg]

I gotta stand up for the guy sometimes. I never would have dreamed of not screaming my head off if it were me. I was amazed how cool and in control he was, from the first. Not even the smallest sign of pain or nervousness for even a split second, and seeing the big picture right away, thinking of everybody else, not himself. It's amazing how strong and long lasting the lessons are that can be taught without ever saying a word, just by providing a living example and getting on with it all. I've often thought about how many great lessons unappreciative people miss, how many things we take for granted and learn nothing from. I sure there were kindnesses I missed, and that maybe that hurt sometimes.

[eMarkM]

[ QUOTE ]
i used to tell my wife how much i won or lost every night when i came to bed. why does she need to ride the rollercoaster with me?

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I think there's a Negreanu article where he addressed this. I think he, too, was referring to his mother and instead of reporting every swing, he'd just say I made $X amount tonight. The X being whatever his hourly rate times hours spent playing was. Nevermind if on a given night he made 10 times that amount or suffered a large loss, he made $X that night. And in a sense reporting it that way would be true.

[Ponks]

Now that's a pretty good idea. Kinda forces them to understand poker for a winning player without them having to think about it.

Ponks

[Sponger15SB]

I've worked at the San Diego County Fair for 6 years, and my boss is this sweet little Austrailian lady who is practically like a 2nd mother to me.

I told her i'd been playing poker a lot and she like flipped out at mw for 10 minutes and told me I was smart and shouldn't be playing poker at all because I was going to lose all my money. All of it. She told me that I can't win playing poker, and that whatever money I've won was because of luck, and I was certain to lose it all. Her dad lost most of his money when they were younger, and she has a family friend who is in jail because of his gambling debts.

[itsmarty]

I mentioned I was playing poker to my parents, and they didn't say anything but revealed several months later that it had given my father several nightmares. He grew up with a father that gambled a ton, and the family suffered for it.

The fact is, people think poker is just like dice or horses, and for a lot of people it really is. That makes any protestations sound quite hollow. Add to that, no matter your age, your parents still see you as a little squirt. Having kids now, I can totally understand it.

At least they care, right? [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]