Dating and rejection

[ShawnHoo]

All right, this is pretty ridiculous.

So I line up this date with a girl from match.com. I thought she looked cute in the pics I saw, although I couldn't tell for sure.

We've been chatting online for a while and did a lot of flirting. She explains to me how she views a first meeting as a "pre-date" and doesn't like to expect anything romantic. She's met one guy before and, while they both agreed that they weren't a good fit to date, they've hung out a bunch since then and "kicked it". She wants the first date to be platonic and then go from there. Ok, fine.

So we meet up last night at a low-key bar to grab a light dinner (we're both coming from work) and drinks. I was very impressed with her in person. She is very ample in the right places and has a killer smile.

We start joking around and busting each others balls right from the start. She's laughing and having a great time. Lots of eye contact. Sweet.

So I'm feeling rather bold and decide to see how she's feeling about the pre-date. She says, "Can I be honest? I really want to keep hanging out as buds, but there's no spark for me."

I'm pissed and get very quiet. She can tell that I'm upset.

The bill comes and I pay (I had said before that I'd wanted to do this). She says that she wants to hang out some more and talk and that she'll pay for a couple of rounds, but only if I'm comfortable. I acquiesce and we start talking about relationships, dating, that sort of thing. It's less awkward than right after she said what she said to me, but there's a different dynamic than when the night began.

So we go outside to leave. She gives me a hug and says that the ball's in my court. She says goodbye and I get in my car and drive home half-drunk, upset, and frankly, a little distraught. It was not my finest hour.

Last night shouldn't be a big deal to me, but this "no spark" [censored] has happened to me non-stop over the last few months. And I'm getting the dates in the first place, so I obviously come off pretty well at first. (This has happened for girls I've met in real life at first, too.)

I feel like I'm in a poker game where everyone's folding everytime I get a big hand. It's like I have some "tell" that's obvious to everyone else, but that escapes me completely.

I haven't made a huge effort to date much over the past year, so I'm surprised that this stuff upsets me so much. I'm generally pretty aloof about most things, but the constant rejection is wearing me down.

Thoughts?

(Yes, I'd like to have SIIHP.)

[Boris]

haha! you're getting played. wait a couple weeks and then call her back.

[A_C_Slater]

Your mistake was asking her how she felt about the pre-date. It seemed like it was obvious to you how she was feeling. Your insecure questioning and need for 100% confirmation turned her off.

[siccjay]

[ QUOTE ]
Your mistake was asking her how she felt about the pre-date. It seemed like it was obvious to you how she was feeling. Your insecure questioning and need for 100% confirmation turned her off.

[/ QUOTE ]


Ding Ding Ding Ding WINNAR!!!

Seriously, it's not over totally. But do NOT call this girl to do something. Don't contact her at all. IT WILL BE BAD FOR YOU IF YOU DO. You will just start to like her more and she will throw you deeper into the friend zone. If she contacts you, be busy. Lie if you have to, they do. Even if she emails you or something, take a few days to reply. If she gets you on the phone, make some plans to do something but DO NOT make it a date. It is WITHOUT A DOUBT her turn to buy if you go eat. What you need to do is throw the friendship thing back at her, she won't know what hit her. Tell her shes a great friend and all that nonsense. Basically the same BS she told you when you asked. The perfect thing to do was keep busting her balls and having fun and then went for a good night kiss or [censored].

[ShawnHoo]

All right, this has been a popular response here. And I see your point. It can come across as needy, which obviously isn't what I'm trying to represent.

I actually brought it up to her because I wanted to cut to the chase. With all of her "pre-date" nonsense, I wanted to make sure rather quickly that I wasn't wasting my time. This is no doubt a manifestation of my big ego, but I also didn't want the possibility of feeling jerked around for a while. I've done the "ask for a 2nd date while finishing the 1st" thing before and it's worked at times, but perhaps it's not the most +EV move in general.

To be perfectly honest, I was more shocked/surprised by her response than hurt, even though this "no spark" thing has come up a lot lately. I'm not about to settle for someone who's not intelligent and attractive, as arrogant as that sounds, and I was a little offended that she didn't see those qualities in me. Something I need to work on, eh?

[DcifrThs]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm not about to settle for someone who's not intelligent and attractive

[/ QUOTE ]

arrogant?? settle? f*ck no.

Barron

[morgan180]

[ QUOTE ]
Your mistake was asking her how she felt about the pre-date. It seemed like it was obvious to you how she was feeling. Your insecure questioning and need for 100% confirmation turned her off.

[/ QUOTE ]

[RRRRICK]

[ QUOTE ]
Your mistake was asking her how she felt about the pre-date. It seemed like it was obvious to you how she was feeling. Your insecure questioning and need for 100% confirmation turned her off.

[/ QUOTE ]


Perfectly said

[PITTM]

[ QUOTE ]
Your mistake was asking her how she felt about the pre-date. It seemed like it was obvious to you how she was feeling. Your insecure questioning and need for 100% confirmation turned her off.

[/ QUOTE ]

this is seriously like 70% of guys problems with getting girls. they act like tards, the girl picks up on it. girl leaves. dont ask for confirmation of how someone is feeling. use your reads!

rj

[[censored]]

keep trying it will happen for you. good post.

when chatting with the girls trying be more aggressive. Do things like start the conversation with "hi gorgeous" and do other flirting that takes it completely our of the friendship arena and puts them in a dating mood.