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#1
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Cancer
It is said that the tears of Chuck Norris cure cancer.
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#2
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Re: Cancer
Too bad he has never cried.
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#3
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Re: Cancer
Reminds me of an email I got the other day...
> The Biography Chuck Norris > > Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead > punched his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a > beard. Before email was invented Chuck Norris would attach messages to > kittens and roundhouse kick them. The chief export of Chuck Norris is > pain. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. When > Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but > because he has run out of women. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he > gives it to people anyway. Chuck Norris has yet to get a Jeopardy > question wrong. Jesus has missed two. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the > devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. > Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the > devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates > irony, couldn't stay > mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. > They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. A man once > asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not > respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded. Chuck Norris's > girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a > woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE > PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his > girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't [censored] with > Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this > statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius > of the blast went deaf. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his > urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. The > original theme song to the Transformers was actually > "Chuck Norris--more > than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck > Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing > Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too awesome for > a single show, however, so it was divided. To prove it isn't that big of > a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a > day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them > from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance > Armstrong. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus > the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other > Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined > influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three > died of roundhouse kick related deaths. Chuck Norris can make a > woman > climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya". Chuck Norris once > shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" After much > debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima > rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It > was more "humane". If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you > can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. Chuck > Norris does not sleep. He waits. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck > Norris. At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white > people just to prove he isn't a racist. Chuck Norris is currently suing > NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right > legs. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take > yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already > lost > my virginity.", then you are dead wrong, my friend. If you ask > Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After > you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the > face. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and > includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck > Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. Filming on location for Walker: > Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by > giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang > back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked > the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck > giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. Chuck Norris lost his > virginity before his dad did. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked > someone so hard that his foot broke the > speed of light, went back in > time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific > Ocean. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop > the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with > his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer > amazement. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he > gets the information he wants. There are no disabled people. Only people > who have met Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever > saying the word. He simply beat the living [censored] out of everything that > was thrown at him, and the game forfeited. Chuck Norris once lined up to > kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the > football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field > goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the > baby 60 > yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the > stadium. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die > from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He > also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo > meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. Macgyver can > build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill > him and take it. Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck > Norris. Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's > hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a > roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure > that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris > carries a man bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a baby out of the > bag and > throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon impact. God offered > Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super > strength roundhouse ability. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey > one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went > into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, > ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully > cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had > done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never > question Chuck Norris." Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of > all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him > holding just a joker, a get out of jail free monopoly card, a 2 of > clubs, 7 of spades and a green number 4 card from the game Uno. |
#4
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Re: Cancer
*
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