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#1
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I need a good doctor joke
OK, I need a terrific joke having something to do with doctors, medicine, or health care. It has to be CLEAN, though, something you could tell in front of a bunch of clients. I've been combing through joke archives online and everything I can find is either horribly stupid or too risque for this audience.
Thanks, ootiots!! |
#2
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Re: I need a good doctor joke
How 'bout a punchline?
"So then the Doctor says..." "Oh, there's my thermometer...Now where'd I leave that pen??" |
#3
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Re: I need a good doctor joke
Some of these may not be clean or funny enough...
Old man goes to the doctor The doctor says "I'm sorry, you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The old man replies "Could be worse. At least its not cancer". A man is in the hospital awaiting the results of his wife's tests. Man: Hi doc what can you tell me Doctor: I'm afraid there has been a mix up with 2 sets of results. Man: Oh? Doctor: Yes, but I can tell you that she has got EITHER Alzheimers OR HIV. Man: Oh, no. So what do you advice me to do? Doc: Well sir, if I was you I'd drop her off in the centre of town and if she makes it home don't [censored] her. A man goes to see an optometrist. The doctor says, "You have to stop masturbating." The guy says, "Why? Am I going blind?" The doctor says, "No, you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room." A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I'm having trouble with my hearing". "What are the symptoms?" asks the doctor. The man replies, "A yellow TV cartoon family". |
#4
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Re: I need a good doctor joke
3 outta 4 ain't bad.
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#5
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Re: I need a good doctor joke
[ QUOTE ]
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I'm having trouble with my hearing". "What are the symptoms?" asks the doctor. The man replies, "A yellow TV cartoon family". [/ QUOTE ] nh |
#6
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Re: I need a good doctor joke
a doctor talks to a husband after his wife was in a car accident.
doctor - "i'm sorry, but your wife is paralyzed from the neck down. you're going to have to take care of her, feed her, bath her, and clean up her [censored]." husband - "oh my god, that's terrible!" doctor - "no i'm just [censored] with ya, she's dead" |
#7
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Re: I need a good doctor joke
Doctor tells a man after his wife has been in a car accident
that his wife will be a quadripelgic(sp) in order for her to survive he will have to feed her, wash her, clean up her !$%!! for the rest of her life man goes back into the room and wife asked what the doctor said man replies, the doctor said you're not going to make it |
#8
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Re: I need a good doctor joke
kid goes in for check up
Doc: How old are you? Kid: Almost seven! Doc: Don't be so optimistic |
#9
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Re: I need a good doctor joke
[ QUOTE ]
kid goes in for check up Doc: How old are you? Kid: Almost seven! Doc: Don't be so optimistic [/ QUOTE ] awesome. |
#10
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Re: I need a good doctor joke
Ok, here's a nice family doctor joke:
This absolutely stunning woman walks into a gynecologist's office. I mean drop dead, crawl-across-miles-of-broken-glass-to-sniff-her-ass-sweat-a-week-after-she-dies gorgeous. All the years of professionalism and training go out the window. So the doctor sidles up and asks how she's doing, tells her to relax. Then he takes a deep breath and starts fondling her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing?" he asks. "Sure," she says, "you're checking my breasts for any lumps." The doctor's kind of surprised, so he decides to go for third base. He starts working her up a little bit. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks her. "Yeah, you're checking my vagina for abnormalities." He can't believe it. This chick is actually letting him get away with the biggest breach of professional etiquette he can imagine. So he goes for the gold - whips it right out and slides it in. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks. "Sure I do," she replies, "you're getting herpes. That's why I'm here." NT |
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