I hereby proclaim poker to be dead.

[johnnyhearts]

Gentlemen of action,

It's a sad day but I must recommend that we all move on to other venues of action such as dog racing, cock fighting, ponies, etc. Poker has become bloated and decidedly uncool much like Elvis in the 60's and 70's. When lame, overweight dorks such as Moneymaker, Lederer, Duke, etc. are lauded as "professers", "world champs", "pros", etc. it's time to do something else like flip coins or try to use monopoly money at the strip club.

I give props to those that still know what desperate hustling is all about. Those noble action boys hoisting 40's while chucking dice against a piss stained wall, stumbling through losing tickets on the way to the track lounge, blowing off some greenbacks on thai kickboxing while on a far east sex junket, this bud's for you, gentlemen. Keep our lifestyle politically incorrect for as long as you can, fellas.

For the rest of you imposters and nerds, I hope a drunk, armani clad pimp sticks 50 2 outers on you! Poker is dead!!
The days of lore are gone forever.

Johnny Hearts/ Team Leisure

[Michael Davis]

Your location is "Cally." Hmm.

[top2pear]

yes, he's clearly a "cally" station -- which could explain his neurotic fear of being rivered by 2-outers 50 times (and projecting that fear as a curse at people "afraid to gamble")

[Zele]

Is there a distinction between a "Gentleman of Action" and a "Gentleman of Leisure"?

[daryn]

wow.. johnny hearts. i love this guy, and was wondering when he would be back!

we'll miss you johnny.

[DABANGER]

Gentlemen/Ladies of Action and Leisure:

I must apologize on behalf of Team Discipline for the outrageous post by none other that Johnny (aka Jap-Jap, Cake) Hearts.

He is now just another racked off tilter, who after failing to beat the game has relegated himself to California lottery scratchers and buying Pepsi in the hope to score a free beverage.

The truth is this: After being afraid to surf for internet porn because of malicious spyware that would crash his 386, a bourbon soaked Johnny Hearts lashed out in the only forum where he was certain he could illicit a response.

JUST KIDDING CAKE! Right on with the post. Being an gentlemen of loose and generouse action myself, I hereby propose the following side bets:

1.) If Annie Duke is featured in another World Palooka Tour, I wager that there is a period of time exceeding a minute where she sits at the table with her mouth wide open hoping to catch a fly.

2.) I would also wager that on the next World Palooka Tour, there is at least one instance where a player checks his hole cards at least 3 times.

3.) Also on the next World Palooka Tour, I wager that Vince Van Patten dubs some no-name, no-game goof a world class player.

Well, action-haters and mathster-debaters, this is Bang Station Zebra, signing off.

Sincerely,

James,
Bangtown, USA (pop. 1)

[johnnyhearts]

Ahhh, a reply and puny attempt at wagering from Daba.....um...what is your nickname?......Snackboy!

Good smack. I will be updating to a Commodore system when I have rebuilt my roll from tossing dimes with Jr. high skaters.

Your wagers are all gushing with Ev in your favor. They are funny though. I rewager.

1.) I lay 5/1 that Annie Duke will hold up her hole cards after an uncontested pot is picked up to show that she can REALLY play with the boys. "I had ya there, fellas! Please give me respect now in your poker boys club." I will also lay the same odds that if she has to lay down at some point the hole cards will still be exposed while she maddogs and cautions, "I'll lay this down this time but next time I will punish you. I'm tough, even though I'm a house mom."

2.) I will lay 4/1 that Van Patten will brutally miscall a hand during any broadcast. Usually without being corrected.

3.) I will lay 3/1 that a retarded display of typical nonuniform strategy will be evidenced by a "top caliber pro" on any given episode. Ie.) Cutely checking or smooth-calling flopped trips on one hand but then making a HUGE 2nd action bluff with 63off or the equivalent on another.

4.)even money that Lederer will give a runner-runner beat during any given season.

Get back to me on these wagers when you're not looking for butts to refry in the gutter outside the Flamingo or breaking rock with a sledge.

The Cake.

[trillig]

Hi! Nice posts!

We need a separate thread for WPT quips!

There is so much to cover.... LOL! [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

-Bri

[DABANGER]

Re-angle? Come on now, have you been addled from all the micro-limit you have been playing? I can't believe that you actually assigned odds to propositions that are clearly locks.

As funny as they were, here are some "exotic" bets that only true gentlement/ladies of action/leisure would dare to entertain.

1.) At 3:1, I wager that Chris Moneymaker knows all the words to the Dukes of Hazard theme song.

2.) At 20:1, I wager that Jomo (aka Puzzlefish, Gobbler, the Bob, Gomo, Sizzler, et al), after being the world's first 5-time snackboy will realize that his true calling is a convenience store clerk at AM/PM.

3.) At 100:1, I wager that after declining ratings for this season the Travel Channel will fire Vince Van Patten. His replacement? None other than 80s sit-com mega-superstar.... ALF! HAH!

Now I must return to work on my truck which is up on cinder blocks in the front yard, leaking oil and antifreeze into the gutter. Bang Station Zebra, over and out.

James,
Bangtown, USA (pop 1.)

[johnnyhearts]

More exotics anyone? Who cares! This forum exists solely for Team Leisure's amusement, right, Banger? Here they are, geeks;

1.) 6/1 - Alf wins the "Hollywood Puppet Homegame" defeating both Kermit the Frog and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog! "This is some amazing poker we're seeing tonight, Vince! Don't let anyone tell you these puppets are novices at poker!"

2.) 3/2 - Hellmuth has the Dukes of Hazard pajamas which he wears while doing yoga or meditation or whatever it is. This, by the way, would be a welcome reprieve from seeing this guy with his damn shirt off. Don't ever do a feature on Hellmuth in which he has his shirt off, guys!

3.) LOCK - Jomo eventually will qualify for and make the final table of a WPT event during which he will make a top pro lay down on the river by saying, "I've got the nuts, TJ........see...wait, wait. Goddammit, I misread my hand. Oh, you already souped your hand? SEND IT, GENTLEMEN! I thought I had a full house though. I would play it the same way next time though, I read you for weak."

Johnny Hearts - Alltime snackboy tournament money winner