A poker "buddy" killed himself today

zuluking · #1 07-30-2005, 12:54 AM

I'd had been playing with this guy off and on for 1 1/2 years. He started with 4-8 games, but wasn't as good as he thought he was. I tired to turn him on to 2+2 and other sites, but he said he never had the time.

Eventually he ran good and moved up in limits despite my warnings. About 5 months ago, he had moved up to 1/2 NL with a $1,000 buy in. He told me time and time again that he was winning, but I knew some of the guys he was playing with, and I figured it was only a matter of time before he'd come back down to small stakes.

2 weeks ago he was arrested for embezellment from his own company. He was put in jail for about a week before he got bailed out. I don't know how much he took, but it must have been alot, cause today he killed himself, leaving behind a wife and 2 kids. I guess the thought of a long prison term was too much for him to handle.

He wasn't a close friend, just a guy who I played poker with now and then. I'm kinda freaked about the whole thing.

Dov · #2 07-30-2005, 01:04 AM

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He wasn't a close friend, just a guy who I played poker with now and then. I'm kinda freaked about the whole thing.

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What is it about this that freaks you out?

Talk it through just like any other problem.

Do you somehow feel responsible?
Are you just realizing how quickly things can change?

I don't know how old you are, but it sounds like you just don't have a lot of experience with tragedy, especially as the result of a string of poor decisions.

It is unfortunate that you were apparently not able to help him, but it seems like the issues he faced were more complex than what was visible to you.

Learn from his mistakes and remember him fondly.

These situations always improve with a clear head, an honest view, and some passing of time.

Good luck, and don't obsess about this.

Dov

ekky · #3 07-30-2005, 01:16 AM

i can empathise to a degree on this. 3 days before Christmas day last year my best friend from high school killed himself

His father and wife had moved to the south of england to try to *rehabilitate* Tim, he suffered from shizophrenia.

I got a call on the 23rd of December telling me he had committed suicide.

I was awash with emotions. We had spent most of our spare time together from the age of 14---18.. then we both went to University.. and kinda lost contact.. but the news [censored] shoook me something crazy.

Its the fact that you know someone, and they chose to die rather then face the demons. When you know that person as well as you know any person on this planet... it rocks your world.

StellarWind · #4 07-30-2005, 02:16 AM

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and they chose to die rather then face the demons

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Perhaps it might be more accurate to say that he died of his illness. Schizophrenia is a cruel disease and maybe his view of reality was so distorted that it no longer included rational choices.

KaneKungFu123 · #5 07-30-2005, 03:03 AM

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and they chose to die rather then face the demons

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Perhaps it might be more accurate to say that he died of his illness. Schizophrenia is a cruel disease and maybe his view of reality was so distorted that it no longer included rational choices.

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Very true.

For all we know 'he' didnt kill himself. Maybe Tim, an actor, killed himself rehersing for a play with a gun he didnt realize was loaded.

Dov · #6 07-30-2005, 03:26 AM

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For all we know 'he' didnt kill himself. Maybe Tim, an actor, killed himself rehersing for a play with a gun he didnt realize was loaded.

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You are missing the point.

The point is that someone known to OP died violently. The event caused OP to examine his own frailty. This is a good thing as long as it's not taken to extremes.

It is usually not a good idea, IMO, to try to figure out exactly what was going on in these situations. Simply take OP at his word on it.

He knew the guy. Unless you did too...

Dov · #7 07-30-2005, 02:47 AM

I didn't mean to sound harsh and didn't think I came off that way, but just to be sure.

I have some experience with this as well. I was a combat soldier for 3 years and an elite athlete. One of my teammates took off his own head with a shotgun under the stress of performing at top levels without enough social support.

I know how it 'Rocks your World'.

My main point to OP is that his reaction right now is probably normal but he should be carefully watching himself for signs of inappropriate anxiety or depression.

I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

As I said before, use this as an opportunity to evaluate your own life and decisions. Events like these really put it all into perspective.

Dov

MikeNaked · #8 07-30-2005, 07:47 PM

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I know how it 'Rocks your World'.

My main point to OP is that his reaction right now is probably normal but he should be carefully watching himself for signs of inappropriate anxiety or depression.

I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

As I said before, use this as an opportunity to evaluate your own life and decisions. Events like these really put it all into perspective.

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Great response. Aside from the loss (for which I am greatly sorry), your freaked-out-edness is also stemming from your friend's reflection into yourself.

StellarWind · #9 07-30-2005, 02:17 AM

I'm very sorry for your loss.

CaptSensible · #10 07-30-2005, 02:11 PM

I'm really sorry. It's a terrible thing. I'm assuming you feel no responsibility. If you do you shouldn't. It's impossible to know that someone you don't really know has those kind of extreme emotional problems.