I tried it for the first time this past weekend...and failed.

[TripleH68]

Talking to my parents about poker. More specifically online poker and texas hold'em.

Oh they know I play. They even bought me SSH for Christmas last year. My father and grandfather taught me poker growing up - 5 card draw, 7 card stud, 5 card Chicago, wildcard games. And I am 37 years old. And they are retired. (Sadly my grandfather died from smoking years ago.) They watch tournament poker on television all the time and my dad plays Hoyle's computer game for fun.

To this point I have followed my father's advice from my college days. "Don't tell your mother." Well I have not told either of them very much to this point. Only that I am a winning player. The only questions they ever ask are "how much?" Funny this was the only question my mother ever asked my dad when he came home from bowling/poker night when I was a kid!?

So this past weekend I was in town visiting and they brought it up. They keep wanting to know why I don't play in tournaments. When am I going to try it? "So-and-so just won 1.4 million dollars in this one the other night." My mom even thinks she could see me on tv.

So I decide it is time to educate them. Mistake. I approached them with the ideas of avoiding risk, bankroll building and management. I talked to them about how I have played 25,000 hands of 2/4 online this year with a current winrate of 1.02bb/100. About my eventual goals of moving up and/or playing higher at the casino. My dad says "you play too tight." I say "how do you know?" He says "one bet every 100 hands! How can you stand it? I would be way too bored. That's not poker. I couldn't do that. What happens the other 99 hands?" <insert fatherly condescending tone> I had to give up relatively soon after that. I even tried explaining 2+2 and how many semi-pro players have offered me advice and are giving me a solid foundation - free of charge. It flew over their heads. I also tried explaining to my mother that I do not play NL. Sheesh. She just laughs and says "that's not much money to win for all that time. It can't be worth it." Ugh.

I am not one to bother others with my adventures, so this experience was frustrating. Perhaps typical of my relationship with my parents.

Point is it has made me appreciate 2+2 even more.

Thanks, HHH.

[Jeffage]

My parents know the following:

I play a lot of poker; I win money playing poker; I really enjoy playing poker.

Details They Don't Need to Know: How much money I make at it, what stakes I play at, how much I could potentially win or lose on a given day, how often I play and other details that might alarm them.

They are on a need to know basis and some things they just don't need to know. For my sanity...and probably their's.

As for talking about the game and stuff, sometimes I do, but I can tell they're not that interested. So I try not to discuss it much but it can be tough when it's your primary interest.

Jeff

[4_2_it]

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So I decide it is time to educate them. Mistake. I approached them with the ideas of avoiding risk, bankroll building and management.

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Did anyone else LOL when they read this part?

I am sorry that it did not work out. I have the same issues. Whenever I visit my folks and poker comes up I just speak like a Jedi Master with phrases like "You gotta be able to lay down a good hand when you are clearly beat" or "The money I don't lose spends as well as the money I win." They smile and the conversation naturally progresses to another topic. If not, I will employ the old Jedi Mind trick of alluding to anything remotely related to my kids [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

I don't ever foresee my parents having a desire to be 'educated' about poker. Parents have an instinct to act interested in anything their children are involved with (If you have kids the following will make more sense).

My daughters love to watch Lizzy McGuire and I have sat through a few episodes with them. Now if they want to have a conversation about Hillary Duff's hair, make-up, boyfriends, etc. I would have little interest in this conversation, but if they ask me to watch the show with them I will. I'm not sure if this a metaphor, an allegory or some other fancy literary term, but hopefully it conveys the message [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[Georgia Avenue]

You should be happy that your parents accept your job/hobby and are supportive (albiet cluelessly). Last time I went to my Mom's house there was a "So You're a Compulsive Gambler" pamphlet under my keys when I was ready to go. She didn't say anything either. Thanks, Mom.

It's funny too, since I hate all other forms of gambling and only play 1/2 and small buy-in multis and I have plenty of money. She just hears that I talk about poker all the time with my sister and thinks: "Zoinks! Gambling Addiction! Aiyaaaah!"

I love my mom, but I wish she was as charmingly ignorant as your folks.

[Jeffage]

Wow, that is harsh. I used to think I would wake up one day and be greeted to an intervention or something (when I first started) but it never happened. Your parents mean well and mine meant well at the time. For most people, getting seriously involved in poker is an error...they are going to lose a lot of money. So your parents are trying to protect you.

It took my parents a LONG time to semi-accept my playing (how is it different than roulette, etc), but they are almost there and don't ask questions anymore. They accept that I love it and do well at it and mostly leave it alone (but still try to pry financial details).

Jeff

[onegymrat]

Hi Jeff,

I've often wondered what is the difference between a poker enthusiast and a poster-type compulsive gambler? Put aside the fact that there may be dozens of threads on this subject already.

As another poster just pointed out, poker takes up A LOT of time. Win or lose, aren't we all compulsive gamblers also? What if you take the average compulsive gambler who's lost everything playing the horses or some dumb-ass dice game on the asian side at Commerce, and make him a long-term winning player? Does he still have a problem?

Does a gambling "problem" still exist if you are winning?

[Jeffage]

Compulsive gamblers can't resist betting on anything and everything and won quit until they own the casino or lose everything they brought. I sort of go by a different definition of gambling problem:

You've made a losing bet and it's your problem.

Nonetheless, many poker players (including some pros and winners, as well as marginal winners) are "addicted" to poker and the action it provides. They just don't lose money so there is no rock bottom for them. But many of them have priorities screwed up: They will put poker ahead of friends, families, their own personal health, career goals, other aspects of their life. The irony is that it is often this obsessiveness that cultivates an extremely good player, but many people who play all the time are not that good and would be better served putting their energies elsewhere.

Poker, as in life, is all about balance. Even if it is your sole source of income, keeping poker in perspective will preserve your relationships, life and health. Never EVER break a committment you have to a friend or family member for poker. Treat it like a business, not like you're on a permanent vacation (even if that's how it feels at times).

Jeff

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You should be happy that your parents accept your job/hobby and are supportive (albiet cluelessly). Last time I went to my Mom's house there was a "So You're a Compulsive Gambler" pamphlet under my keys when I was ready to go. She didn't say anything either. Thanks, Mom.

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That is freakin' hilarious [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[bernie]

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My dad says "you play too tight." I say "how do you know?" He says "one bet every 100 hands! How can you stand it? I would be way too bored. That's not poker. I couldn't do that."

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That's why you wouldn't be a winning player, dad.

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What happens the other 99 hands?"

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The other 99 hands? Losing players, like you dad, pass around money while I wait to come in and take my cut.


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She just laughs and says "that's not much money to win for all that time. It can't be worth it." Ugh

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Put it in terms of an hourly rate in comparison to a job. She doesn't know what the hell bb/100 hands is.

If you're going to approach this with parents, realize how they see the game. Put yourself in their shoes and imagine their knowledge of the game. Try and use similarities to something they can grasp or relate to rather than just throwing out theory and concepts that only people who have studied the game will really understand. Just an idea.

Even if they do understand it eventually, they will worry. But they'd be bad parents if they didn't, imo.

b

[chesspain]

[ QUOTE ]

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She just laughs and says "that's not much money to win for all that time. It can't be worth it." Ugh

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Put it in terms of an hourly rate in comparison to a job. She doesn't know what the hell bb/100 hands is.



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According to my calculations, the OP has only made approx. $1000 this year playing online, excluding likely bonuses and rakeback. Consequently, I would assume that his hourly earn will not sound very impressive, especially since he is a thirty-seven year old man.

Nonetheless, he could just tell his parents that he is fortunate to have a hobby that makes him money, rather than his having a like golf, music, etc. which costs money.