Jack Handy

[J_V]

If you drop your keys into a river of hot molten lava.....just let them go man, cause they're gone.



If there were two creatures, one being a dolphin, and their names were flippy and hambone, you'd think the dolphin's name would be flippy, but you're wrong - it's hambone.

[Piz0wn0reD!!!!!!]

lol

#2 is awsome

[Sponger15SB]

Am I the only one who found 90% of these completely unfunny?

[LoaferGee12]

[ QUOTE ]
Am I the only one who found 90% of these completely unfunny?

[/ QUOTE ]

I hope so.

[d10]

[ QUOTE ]
Am I the only one who found 90% of these completely unfunny?

[/ QUOTE ]

Probably.

[EliteNinja]

Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man."

I think a good scene in a movie would be where one scientist tells another scientist, "You know what will save the world? You're holding it in your hand." And the other scientist looks, and in his hand are peanuts. Then when he looks up, the first scientist is being taken away to the insane asylum.

I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mould. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.

[ucfryan]

Ingenius.

[Wes ManTooth]

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Am I the only one who found 90% of these completely unfunny?

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Not surprised, man it must suck to be you

[Bungler]

The best one ever was when he was taking his nephew to Disneyland but went to a burnt down lot. Then he was going to take him to the real Disneyland, But it was closed.

Thats good stuff

[PoBoy321]

[ QUOTE ]
The best one ever was when he was taking his nephew to Disneyland but went to a burnt down lot. Then he was going to take him to the real Disneyland, But it was closed.

Thats good stuff

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Wow, at least get it right.

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One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

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