Two months' salary; engagement rings are forever?

dtbog · #1 08-06-2005, 05:26 PM

Is our modern, relatively concrete definition of an engagement ring a vestige from a society of the past?

It certainly seems like a lot of aspects of the engagement ring custom are sort of archaic, at least in the US... there is no more "dowry", and the man doesn't "own" his wife anymore. the man is also no longer expected to be the sole financial provider for his family, and couples often share residence or bank accounts before they get married.

Also, the fact that a "two months' salary" expectation exists sort of trivializes the decision to spend that much money on a ring. Now it's just expected... you're a guy and want to get married? Spend $x on the ring.. and kick in a little bit more if you want. anything less, and you're not meeting expectations.

We also now have a very good way of making fake diamonds... and most women can't tell the difference between a zircon and the real thing. From what I've heard, the only truly noticable difference in many cases is the price tag... so does the extra money just go toward proving something about commitment?

personally, I think buying a house together is a much bigger step in proving commitment than buying her some jewelry.

last but not least -- some women don't like chocolate, some men don't like sports... and so on with the stereotypes. aren't there some girls out there who could care less about diamonds?

discuss.

RacersEdge · #2 08-06-2005, 05:34 PM

We did a few days ago.

I agree with you though.

Rings

whiskeytown · #3 08-06-2005, 05:35 PM

I once had to go shopping with a college roommate for one (he needed an excuse, so we were to go out and look at "guitars" for awhile and then we hightailed it over to the jewelry store..

she was great - she was telling him how she didn't want a gaudy stone (of course, she was a pretty kind hearted evangelicial Christian) - so he was able to keep it moderate sized and decent - (big thing is she wanted round, not one of those pear shaped or heart shaped diamonds) -

That was a lucky guy - with an unselfish girl....although now that I think about it, being a college student, it probably cost him MORE then what we made in 2 mos...LOL

I just googled him and found him (I knew he went to work for Radio in Arkansas) - so I dropped him an email - thanks for this walk down amensia lane.

RB

newfant · #4 08-06-2005, 05:38 PM

I think every man foolish enough to get engaged should buy his financee a fake diamond to test whether she really loves him or not. If she actually loves him, she will never test the diamond to see if it is fake. If she finds out the diamond is fake and dumps your ass, then she never loved you or trusted you in the first place and you saved a lot of money and a lot of grief down the road.

mslif · #5 08-06-2005, 05:47 PM

Engagement rings for me are somewhat of a waste of money. My now ex-husband bought me one, I was disappointed that he purchased it because I would have rather us use that money for a house or upgrade a car.
In all fairness, I am not american, I was not raised with this tradition. To me it is a waste of money.

arod15 · #6 08-06-2005, 05:50 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Is our modern, relatively concrete definition of an engagement ring a vestige from a society of the past?

It certainly seems like a lot of aspects of the engagement ring custom are sort of archaic, at least in the US... there is no more "dowry", and the man doesn't "own" his wife anymore. the man is also no longer expected to be the sole financial provider for his family, and couples often share residence or bank accounts before they get married.

Also, the fact that a "two months' salary" expectation exists sort of trivializes the decision to spend that much money on a ring. Now it's just expected... you're a guy and want to get married? Spend $x on the ring.. and kick in a little bit more if you want. anything less, and you're not meeting expectations.

We also now have a very good way of making fake diamonds... and most women can't tell the difference between a zircon and the real thing. From what I've heard, the only truly noticable difference in many cases is the price tag... so does the extra money just go toward proving something about commitment?

personally, I think buying a house together is a much bigger step in proving commitment than buying her some jewelry.

last but not least -- some women don't like chocolate, some men don't like sports... and so on with the stereotypes. aren't there some girls out there who could care less about diamonds?

discuss.

[/ QUOTE ]
I agree, but we live in society where image is everything. Branding and so foruth, so in that token i will still buy 5K-7K ring am i happy about it? Hell no, but that is what marriage is all about, selfsacrifice sometimes to make the other happy. Her happiness will help some of the blow, and years later the money will feel trivial. But it all depends if your girl would rather get a hosue id do that to. Its all where you are in life. Me i have a great job and pay no rent and have a side business money is good so getting a Z would in my situation be [censored] up. At least my thought....

dtbog · #7 08-06-2005, 05:55 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Hell no, but that is what marriage is all about, selfsacrifice sometimes to make the other happy. Her happiness will help some of the blow, and years later the money will feel trivial.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree with you, but this brings up a point on which I think I was very unclear in my original post.

I wouldn't balk at buying an engagement ring because of a selfish desire to have more money; if money were a concern, it would be a concern for my new family with my wife, not just for me.

With respect to the fact that it would make her happy -- of course. However, there are many things we want in life... and while an expensive ring would make most fiancees happy, so would a whole host of other expensive things that are more practical and would probably make her even happier. ("hey, honey, I got you that health insurance you've been wanting!" [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img])

#8 08-06-2005, 06:49 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I think every man foolish enough to get engaged should buy his financee a fake diamond to test whether she really loves him or not. If she actually loves him, she will never test the diamond to see if it is fake. If she finds out the diamond is fake and dumps your ass, then she never loved you or trusted you in the first place and you saved a lot of money and a lot of grief down the road.

[/ QUOTE ]

I was going to write exactly the same thing!

dtbog · #9 08-06-2005, 06:53 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I was going to write exactly the same thing!

[/ QUOTE ]

I haven't seen this account before.

I think he could really wreak some havoc on OOT.

TStoneMBD · #10 08-06-2005, 06:57 PM

i agree that rings are ridiculous. the worst part about it is the markup that jewelers make. when i buy my wife a ring it will be off someplace like ebay, where the value meets the dollar. if she wants it from a jeweler instead of a discounted source then shes not the right person for me.