Who is the worst employee?

[mack23]

OK so all of us waste our time at work posting, and I'd bet a good half of us have gotten away with playing poker online during work, but what is your REALLY good story about what you've been able to pull off while on the job? Here's mine:

Working for a movie theater while in college, I was the guy who got new films ready for Friday openings. That meant I usually worked until 3AM on Thursdays, putting the films together and then watching them (seeing new flicks before the public was cool) to make sure there were no bad splices or upside-down reels (yes it happens)

The sweet part was that other employees would come watch the new movies on Thursday night, and it would turn into a big party. Someone over 21 would make a beer run, and along with the concession candy you could bet that people were either wasted or on a mean sugar high. I was one of the two people getting paid during these parties!

Pretty tame but it sure was fun. Your turn, what's your story? Maybe if the responses are good enough we'll do a "Worst Employee Ever" poll [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

-Mack

[mrkilla]

how about out right not going to work at all yet being on the clock

my last Job i used to go in about 3 hours late and left about 1 hour early

So I'd go in at 11, post for an hour, eat lunch "maybe" work, then leve at like 4-5 ish

There was no offical time clock, we had to log and bill clients, but I knew how to cheat the system ( I helped design it bahahaha suckers)

I worked at the same place since I was 15 and a half, until I was 21ish. Among other things:

Slid down a flight of steps, on a foam cooler, barreling into a million brooms etc, a la Home Alone.

It was an ice cream stand, so we used to put signs on eachothers back: "ask us about our chunky monkey" "ask me why I am smiling so much etc"

There was a big deep freeze, so we used to fill the thing up with random [censored], racks of ice cream, brooms, carts, trashcans, and stick 3 quarts of ice cream in the back. Turn hte lights out, then pick a flavor. Fastest one to retrive the flavor, and make his way back out in complete darkness won. I came up with teh bright idea, of ripping the quart open, and tasting it so I didnt have to go back in.

This place also doubled as a christmas tree lot, and we used to hideout in the trees, and freak customers out by throwing this coonskin hat we had out of the tree.

When a customer needed a tree custom cut, we would take them around back, and trim as needed, I used to run back there all freaked out, and yell at my friend (who was doing the cutting) "SIR you do not work here, I have told you several times to quit cutting the trees!!" always freaked the customer out.

The more non-tame things, I dont want to be made "public"

[shant]

Three or four years ago I worked at Old Navy. I hated working on the floor and folding shirts or finding the right size skirt for someone's fat daughter. So I'd beg to be put in the stockroom.

They'd put you in the stockroom and be like "Hey organize this stuff" and it was just a bunch of folded clothing. I'd spend a couple minutes moving [censored] around, then I'd find a nice tall shelf and pad it with those huge puffy vests that were popular at Old Navy back then. They made a perfect surface to take naps on.

All the employees at Old Navy were supposed to wear headphones so I'd turn the headset off and the speaker on, and turn it up loud so it'd be my little wake up call. Then I'd nap.

The door to the stockroom also had a loud horn on it that'd ring in the stockroom in case a customer came off the floor into an area they weren't supposed to. That horn also let me know when my boss was comin back to check on me.

One time I came into work, did my little set-up, and went to sleep. I woke up six and a half hours later and was really proud of my accomplishment. So proud I left work an hour early.

[turnipmonster]

I worked at a restaurant in high school where my kitchen manager was 21. among the things we did:

took a huge water balloon sling and shot water balloons over the restaurant at people visiting the neighboring gas station. managed to hit some lady's kid dead on, it was awesome. lady was extremely upset.

mashed potato wars outside the restaurant. different weapons were used to sling mashed potatoes at each other, including pastry bags, spoons, etc. once a huge mashed potato snowball missed the dishwasher and went all over the front door of the restaurant.

I got caught for cutting, weighing and bagging illegal substances on the prep line. needless to say we didn't get high at work, we stayed high. the raging alcoholic ex football player owner of the place had a talk with me about it and that's all that happened.

I work with her.

[pokerdirty]

When I was 16, I stole over $1000 worth of alcohol from the local grocery store I worked at over the course of a year. To give you a clue as to how much I stole, there was nothing that cost more than $20 bucks in the alcohol aisle. The owner also stopped receiving shipments of 4 types of alcohol that I stole, and I had to finally stop when he installed a video camera.

Other than that, I'm an angel. I'm afraid to steal a pencil from work.

[IHateKeithSmart]

I worked at Lowe's Home Improvement during college. I'd pass out in the trailer holding pine straw/needles all the time. I'd turn off my CB radio, which was used to call me when people needed help loading 8 million bags of play sand into their trucks. No thanks.

[IndieMatty]

[ QUOTE ]
Three or four years ago I worked at Old Navy. I hated working on the floor and folding shirts or finding the right size skirt for someone's fat daughter. So I'd beg to be put in the stockroom.

They'd put you in the stockroom and be like "Hey organize this stuff" and it was just a bunch of folded clothing. I'd spend a couple minutes moving [censored] around, then I'd find a nice tall shelf and pad it with those huge puffy vests that were popular at Old Navy back then. They made a perfect surface to take naps on.

All the employees at Old Navy were supposed to wear headphones so I'd turn the headset off and the speaker on, and turn it up loud so it'd be my little wake up call. Then I'd nap.

The door to the stockroom also had a loud horn on it that'd ring in the stockroom in case a customer came off the floor into an area they weren't supposed to. That horn also let me know when my boss was comin back to check on me.

One time I came into work, did my little set-up, and went to sleep. I woke up six and a half hours later and was really proud of my accomplishment. So proud I left work an hour early.

[/ QUOTE ]

You win.

Short story, my friend was an office assistant for a small design firm, they asked him to do some work in the crawl space up in the attack. He decided that was a good place to take a nap one day and somehow he ended up going through the ceiling right onto some guys desk while he was working.

[mrkilla]

hahaha simialr story, I used to work and a Grocery store as well on the overnite shift. One night i loaded one those big blue Uboats [the carts on wheels stock guys use to wheel out the merchandise]
Well I load that up and pushed it out the back door where my friend were waiting in cars to unload it.

That door got locked and a security camera put on it after that.

Still known as the great beer heist of '96 around my circle of friends [we were all underage too]