My strange poker year

[sam h]

My history with poker is fairly typical for the 20-somethings on this site. I got into the game a few years ago after reading Jim McManus' article in Harper's about the World Series, lost a bunch of cash in my first six months as a player, bought some books, steadily improved, etc. I had the poker bug bad and got good enough to support myself through playing, even financing some extended travel by becoming an itinerant internet cafe player. Last year I came back to the states, played more or less full time, and did pretty well at the mid-limits both live and online and the bigger online PL/NL games. I was never the player some of the top posters here are, but I was a healthy winner and I was bent on beating games to the best of my ability.

Then I started graduate school last fall. I decided to quit playing live and just log a few hours here and there on the net, usually about 10-15 a week. I thought I would pad my stipend with a nice little nut and live pretty well. But a funny thing happened: I stopped winning. I wasn't losing either, but I basically flatlined for five months, winning a few grand but far below supposed expectations.

At first I just chalked it up to a mediocre run of cards and told myself not to sweat it. Then it slowly dawned on me that I wasn't playing that well, that I was too distracted and wasn't paying attention to things going on at the tables. So I resolved to regain my old focus, to take better player notes, to turn the machine back on, as it were. Then another strange thing happened: I started hating playing poker. It seemed like way too much effort given the other stresses in my life. My mind rebelled against focusing on this game when the things I was studying were so much more interesting to me. And so I quit for a while.

Predictably, I started missing the game after a couple weeks. For a while, I started just reading 2+2 again without actually playing. Then one day, without really thinking about it, I logged on to Party and fired up a couple 15-30s again. But I was just back in the same damned if I do, damned if I don't situation. I hung there in limbo for another week or so before this big realization hit me.

I'm too entrenched in poker to quit, but I'm not really interested right now in playing to win.

Obviously, I don't want to lose, but I'm just not focused upon maximizing my earn, on playing every hand as well as I possibly can, on seeing poker hands as a series of multivariate equations that just need to be analytically broken down. And that's ok. I need poker to blow off steam, to fulfill a little gambling rush, to get my mind off some other things, to make a little extra cash. But I don't need it the way I used to need it, as both a job and some kind of ultimate challenge to be overcome through relentless analysis.

So I decided to cash out a big chunk of my roll and drop down to 5-10 and the smaller PL/NL games. And you know what? I’m really happy. A monkey could win at these levels online right now, and sometimes I basically play like one. I open up Party as a distraction when doing something else on the internet or when I’m stuck writing a paper. I absolutely love to play when I’m drunk. I find myself playing too many hands before the flop, and sometimes I make terrible overcalls on the river. My earn is obviously way below what I probably could do if I was focused, but I don’t really care. I’m still making pretty good money and, much more importantly, I have found a way to get what I need from poker right now without allowing poker to take other things away.

And I think in some sense that’s what it’s really all about. The reasons we play and the effects playing has on us change over time. There’s no single right way to integrate this game into your life - but you have to be open to adaptation, to let your relationship with poker fluidly evolve along with everything else. And sometimes that means playing smaller or even playing worse. And that’s ok.

[Dov]

Good post.

Good luck in school.

[Al Schoonmaker]

I gave up poker for about 25 years after finishing grad school. I had more important things to do.
You have something much more important than poker right now: getting your degree.
I agree that you have to adjust the role poker has in your life, and your adjustments seem generally sensible with one very conspicuous exception. NO SENSIBLE PERSON PLAYS POKER WHILE DRUNK.
You're a grad student, living on a limited budget. If you play drunk, you can very easily lose much more money than you can afford. Then you may feel that you have to get even and lose more. You could even disrupt your priorities and let poker take over your life again.
Don't take such a crazy risk. DON'T PLAY WHILE DRUNK.
Regards,
Al

[theBruiser500]

Haha, I like your story. Particularly the "itenirent internet cafe player." I really like that you travelled the world and played poker supporting yourself as you went.

Just curious, what stakes did you play to support yourself? And did you mainly play NL or limit?

danny

[sam h]

I would guess that I've spent about 50% of my time playing limit holdem, 25% PL/NL, and 25% tournaments. When here in the states I usually played mid-limit holdem or the PL/NL games with 1-2 or 2-4 blinds. But when I was travelling I usually played a little smaller, like 5-10 limit or $100 buy-in NL. I wasn't spending very much money in places like Latin America and I was just concerned with slowly padding my roll enough so that I would have something to go back to. I also felt a little embarassed as well playing in internet cafes for higher stakes with pots that were so large compared to the income levels of many of the people around me. Also, I wasn't too focused playing in a public place, so dropping down in levels was a self-defense mechanism as well.

[glen]

Your story hit home with me. I am a grad student. I love poker, but I can't mix the two. I have done it a few times, and it usually ends with the same result - I get all stressed out, I don't play my best game, and then i get depressed that I waste so much time. After last semester, I resumed fulltime play and loved it, like seeing the summercamp girl after waiting all school year. In the first two weeks this semester, I dug a big hole for myself that I'm still trying to crawl out of. At one point it caused personal embarassment with my advisor. As some of my friends at this site know, I quit like ten times, the longest of which lasted about a day and two hours. I found myself playing in bad games because I just wanted to keep playing, etc. Now that I have been clean for a week, I plan on not playing until I finish school, and then I will probably start playing and put off looking for a job [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]. Poker just adds stress at times that we will probably have to deal with indefinitely. . . gl

p.s. I'm all for a few beers when playing, I think it can alleviate the boredom for some people and make you play better, but if you find yourself isolating with QTo, put the beer down and go out or something. . . Also, no hard alcohol. even though I do that sometimes too, it's not a good idea.