Storytime

[jokerthief]

It's Saturday night and I'm working (i.e. playing *****). Tell me a good story. Just for good measure, I'll tell one first.

I was a freshman living on the eighth floor of my college's biggest party dorm. It was week one and everyone had a very libertine attitude. I met a girl before the weekend and we decided to party together. This girl was very hot and I had too many hormones and not enough time. I was urgent but it didn't matter, she was urgent as well.

We went out Friday and hit the party scene hard. Many drinks and many a flirt were the theme of the night. The long walk back to the dorm was filled with sweet nothings that meant everything. Both of us knew what awaited our return. This is what both of us have been plotting since we laid eyes on each other.

Finally, we made our way back to our room. I tell my Infatuation to take a seat on the couch. I'm in control now. I'll set the pace. She is receptive. One more beer and a few more innuendos are needed before….. Now is the time for action and I move in for the kiss. Tongue in tongue, we are in a passionate embrace. Then the unexpected happens. She moves her tongue in too far and I puke directly into her mouth.

Needless to say, I didn't SIIHP or anywhere else for that matter.

[flatline]

I'm calling BS.

[Macdaddy Warsaw]

Dude...you were going to vomit anyway unless this chick is A)the absolute worst kisser ever and B) has an insanely long tongue.

The tongue should never get past the teeth.

[jokerthief]

[ QUOTE ]
Dude...you were going to vomit anyway unless this chick is A)the absolute worst kisser ever and B) has an insanely long tongue.

The tongue should never get past the teeth.

[/ QUOTE ]

This was a while ago. I do know that this definitely had something to do with technique however. It happened once and I was able to keep my composure. The second time, well, I blew.

This is bullshit though. I post my most embarrassing moment ever, hoping to get some entertainment in return, and no one has a decent story. I'm sitting here in the grind and am wondering if anyone at 2+2 has ever gotten outside. There has to be some good stories out there. Some of you must have [censored] up or aced life in one of its dimensions. (either one would make a good story)

[flatline]

It helps if you tell a believable story.

[jokerthief]

[ QUOTE ]
It helps if you tell a believable story.

[/ QUOTE ]

If you think that this is unbelievable then what can I say? I can never tell you a story. None of my good stories would be believable to you. This story is very tame.

You are either very young or haven't lived the gonzo lifestyle nearly enough. Get out more. Tear this world a new assholee. Chaos is living.

[Stuey]

Few years back I am at my local bar and a good pal of mine is looking very sad. He is mostly drunk as we all are and he looks ready to cry.

So I ask him wtf is wrong, as it is clear he is broke up. He starts to tell me how he thinks he might have a small dick. Which makes me laugh pretty hard.

I ask him wtf would make him think something like that. And he says he just thinks it must be as he can never keep a girl very long so it must be the size of his dick.

So I go about setting him straight and remember this is in a bar and we are all drunk. There is loud music and we are all sitting close together in a group of about 10 people who all are good friends.

So I tell him a few things that I thought would make him happy. And I figure it is the truth as well so I'm talking pretty confident like I know what I'm saying.

I ask him if a chick has ever told him he has a little dick.
He says no.
I ask him how many chicks he has slept with.
He says about 20.
I ask him how many of these chicks did he sleep with more than 100 times each before they broke up.
He says almost all of them.

So I tell him listen your dick is not short man. I say "I don't think any chick would sleep with a short dicked guy more than once and they would tell you that it was small if it was the reason they broke up with you as things often get nasty like that right?"

Just as he starts to feel a little better this exgirlfriend of mine which we thought was to far away to hear what we were talking about stands up and points right at me and says as loud as she can.

"Stuey you got a short dick and thats why I broke up with you. And [my pals name goes here] yours is actually big but you are a big pussy and no girl wants a guy that is crying all the time."

Yah we both got really drunk that night. And we got laid mine was out of pity I'm sure and his was out of curiosity I bet.

And to this day I have never asked a chick if it is big or small as I think the question reeks of insecurity. Plus I am sure she was just trying to be funny saying that and it was hilarious. A few have said it was big but that could have just been dirty talk in the heat of the moment. But not one has said it was small. And for some reason I find it all very funny. Clearly my sample size is to small and I must continue collecting data. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Often I can tell a chick this story and make her laugh and still score. So I guess in the end it does not matter not to me anyways.

[jakethebake]

That's a very good story. Thanks. I needed a laugh. It's been a crappy few days.

[Brainwalter]

Haha you have a small dick.

Edit: Just kidding man, good story.

[jokerthief]

What ever the size of your dick you must have huge balls to tell this story here. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Seriously though I think I would have killed that bitch if I were you. Your friend does need to toughen up.