Girlfriend trying to cheat on me

mason55 · #1 05-28-2005, 02:21 PM

So my girlfriend (1.5 years, we live together but she's moving to LA for the summer to start a business, I am in DC) left an email open on my computer last night. She was contacting a guy in LA about a discrete relationship. I have her email password but have never used it because I trust her. So far they're just introducing themselves.

Here's the question. I'm obviously going to say something. Do I confront her now or should I wait a day or two and read the emails they send back and forth and see where it goes?

Joe Tall · #2 05-28-2005, 02:24 PM

You dump her, now.

mason55 · #3 05-28-2005, 02:25 PM

[ QUOTE ]
You dump her, now.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah I know I need to. I just feel like playing detective for a day or two. I guess I should go do it right now. She'll have plenty of time for her business now.

Felix_Nietsche · #4 05-28-2005, 04:30 PM

You dump her but don't show her your cards (tell her you snooped).

Be very nice and say that you realize that a long distance relationship won't work for YOU and that you both should be free to date other people. By doing this you'll accomplish a few things:
1. You'll gain her respect for being a man and by being upfront and honest (which she is NOT BEING).
2. You'll increase your chances for ex-sex about 5000% and staying friends with her.
3. You'll be the dumper and she'll be the dumpee which puts you in the power seat. Yes it is a game but it works. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Obviously she is smart enough to know a 3000 mile relationship won't work so she is taking steps so she won't be lonely in a strange city. If she had balls she would be upfront with you but 99.99% of women don't do this. Their justification is they don't want to hurt our 'feelings' (the real reason is they don't have the balls).

gorie · #5 05-28-2005, 04:38 PM

[ QUOTE ]
You dump her but don't show her your cards (tell her you snooped).

Be very nice and say that you realize that a long distance relationship won't work for YOU and that you both should be free to date other people. By doing this you'll accomplish a few things:
1. You'll gain her respect for being a man and by being upfront and honest (which she is NOT BEING).
2. You'll increase your chances for ex-sex about 5000% and staying friends with her.
3. You'll be the dumper and she'll be the dumpee which puts you in the power seat. Yes it is a game but it works. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Obviously she is smart enough to know a 3000 mile relationship won't work so she is taking steps so she won't be lonely in a strange city. If she had balls she would be upfront with you but 99.99% of women don't do this. Their justification is they don't want to hurt our 'feelings' (the real reason is they don't have the balls).

[/ QUOTE ]
i agree with this post. for some reason.

SuitedSixes · #6 05-28-2005, 04:55 PM

[ QUOTE ]
You dump her but don't show her your cards (tell her you snooped).

Be very nice and say that you realize that a long distance relationship won't work for YOU and that you both should be free to date other people. By doing this you'll accomplish a few things:
1. You'll gain her respect for being a man and by being upfront and honest (which she is NOT BEING).
2. You'll increase your chances for ex-sex about 5000% and staying friends with her.
3. You'll be the dumper and she'll be the dumpee which puts you in the power seat. Yes it is a game but it works. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Obviously she is smart enough to know a 3000 mile relationship won't work so she is taking steps so she won't be lonely in a strange city. If she had balls she would be upfront with you but 99.99% of women don't do this. Their justification is they don't want to hurt our 'feelings' (the real reason is they don't have the balls).

[/ QUOTE ]

I hate when the mature, sensible answer is the most correct.

mason55 · #7 05-28-2005, 05:13 PM

[ QUOTE ]
You dump her but don't show her your cards (tell her you snooped).

Be very nice and say that you realize that a long distance relationship won't work for YOU and that you both should be free to date other people. By doing this you'll accomplish a few things:
1. You'll gain her respect for being a man and by being upfront and honest (which she is NOT BEING).
2. You'll increase your chances for ex-sex about 5000% and staying friends with her.
3. You'll be the dumper and she'll be the dumpee which puts you in the power seat. Yes it is a game but it works. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Obviously she is smart enough to know a 3000 mile relationship won't work so she is taking steps so she won't be lonely in a strange city. If she had balls she would be upfront with you but 99.99% of women don't do this. Their justification is they don't want to hurt our 'feelings' (the real reason is they don't have the balls).

[/ QUOTE ]

I guess some more background might help explain things a little better. She spent last summer in LA taking classes at UCLA while I worked in DC. She is from LA, so it's not a case of "being lonely out there."

We did fine last summer across the country (although now I'm wondering how true that is) and had already started looking at places in LA for when I move out there in a couple of months. I don't think it's a case of her realizing that a long distance relationship won't work as we have already done it once and made future plans for my moving out there.

The funny thing is that we had discussed having an open relationship for the summer. She told me I was free to see other girls while she was gone (mostly because I wasn't happy that she was leaving for another summer). I told her I probably wouldn't and asked her if she planned on seeing anyone. She said "no. i just want to make friends my age to hang out and party with." Multiple times she told me she wasn't interested in seeing anyone out there for the summer and I didn't need to worry. So that's what really pisses me off, since from the emails i read she was really trying to hide it. All she had to do was tell me.

Meh. I'm past being angry. just trying to figure out when to bring it up so as to disrupt my life the least.

eastbay · #8 05-28-2005, 08:03 PM

[ QUOTE ]

The funny thing is that we had discussed having an open relationship for the summer. She told me I was free to see other girls while she was gone (mostly because I wasn't happy that she was leaving for another summer).

[/ QUOTE ]

Oh, man. You're in denial.

First of all, that's not "discussing having an open relationship." That her telling you you should be able to see other women, and I will tell you right now there is ONE and only one reason a woman does that, ever, and it has nothing to do with your happiness.

eastbay

bernie · #9 05-28-2005, 09:41 PM

[ QUOTE ]
The funny thing is that we had discussed having an open relationship for the summer. She told me I was free to see other girls while she was gone (mostly because I wasn't happy that she was leaving for another summer). I told her I probably wouldn't and asked her if she planned on seeing anyone. She said "no. i just want to make friends my age to hang out and party with."

[/ QUOTE ]

She's going to be pulling trains in backrooms. You really think after she tells you to see other girls that she's just going to make friends to 'hang out with'. Yeah, right.

[ QUOTE ]
All she had to do was tell me.

[/ QUOTE ]

She did. See 2nd line above. It shouldn't be that much of a suprise.

b

Felix_Nietsche · #10 05-29-2005, 12:07 AM

I guess some more background might help explain things a little better. She spent last summer in LA taking classes at UCLA while I worked in DC. She is from LA, so it's not a case of "being lonely out there."
************************************************** ****
Uh oh.....this means things are really bad.

She told me I was free to see other girls while she was gone (mostly because I wasn't happy that she was leaving for another summer). I told her I probably wouldn't and asked her if she planned on seeing anyone. She said "no. i just want to make friends my age to hang out and party with."
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Translation: She wants to date other guys. She obviously likes you and feels guilty about seeing other guys so if YOU start seeing other girls then she is GUILT-Free to go out with other guys.

Multiple times she told me she wasn't interested in seeing anyone out there for the summer and I didn't need to worry.
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Girls lie to guys all the time so as not to "hurt our feelings". From the info you have told me, she has been planning her next relationship for a while. Right now your her 'emotional life preserver' until she finds another guy.

So that's what really pisses me off, since from the emails i read she was really trying to hide it. All she had to do was tell me.
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Chicks are cowards. It is a rare woman that would be that upfront with you. Accept it. Break up with her and start seeing other girls FAST!

Meh. I'm past being angry. just trying to figure out when to bring it up so as to disrupt my life the least.
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See my original post. Dump her now and be VERY NICE about it. If you want to have a little fun tell her, "it is NOT her it is you". [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] I love giving typical 'chick break-up lines' to a girls you're breaking up with.