Dear Bison Bison

[nosepicker]

I am a 25 year old sophmore in college- and socially inept With women- as bad as anyone i have ever met, and i go to a friggin engineering school mr bigglesworth!
So twice in the past month (just varience, this is not typical) a girl (two different girls this is on two seperate occasions) that i have never spoken to before initiated a conversation with me. One while i was reading in the student center between classes and the other after a class. My initial responses were the usual light banter (whatever the [censored] usual light banter is)- but as soon as there is a pause i have to urge to look away and act as if i am not bothered at all by the conversation in either direction. This naturally kills it.
thats it- help me get laid again bison.

[bisonbison]

Dear Nose,

As long as you're not Clint Howard ugly, you can be friends with (and even date!) all sorts of women. The key is to be mentally present for them when they're around. You put your finger on it when you said that your feigned disinterest kills the conversation - disinterest is pretty fu[/i]cking off-putting, and you're not disinterested, you're out of your head tense cause you're so focused on what she must be thinking of your inane chattering.

If she's friendly enough to come up and start talking, she's already made the basic decision that you're not a psychopath, but any two people still have to figure out if they have anything to talk about. That's what chat is for: letting each other know that this is what I'm like, this is what you're like, and do we find the same things interesting/funny/worthwhile and so on. And this isn't just guy/girl penis in vagina stuff - this is true about everybody. It's not a value judgement on you, it's a basic testing of compatability thing.

So when you're talking to someone new, and they provoke any sincere interest in you at all (and not simply a desperate longing for human/female contact), fight your fear-driven urge to disengage by re-engaging. If you don't feel interesting, be interested. Ask her questions. Not deep questions, just normal stuff, like you'd ask a guy. So where do you live? Do you like it? What do you think of your classes? Do you know my roommate/professor/therapist? How's your food? Where are you from? So on and so forth.

And if you've been chatting nicely for twenty minutes and you're getting anxious and you want to leave, just say "Hey, INSERT NAME HERE, it was nice talking to you. I gotta run, but..."

"I'll see you tomorrow." or
"I'll see you around, ok?" or
"You wanna grab lunch next week?" or
"I'm going with some people to see MOVIE/BAND/EVENT on Saturday, you wanna come?" or
"You wanna go see a movie sometime?"

And then smile and pick up your stuff and wave and next time you see her say "hey, INSERT NAME HERE, how's it going?" and start the process over again.

Just remember, none of this is life or death stuff. There are 3 billion women in the world, and most of them are happy to at least be friendly with any guy who'll ask her how her day's going without staring at her tits.

When you make friends with women, you make girlfriends along the way.

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
(and not simply a desperate longing for human/female contact)

[/ QUOTE ]

Ah, human to female contact. It has long been the dream of our species.

Unfortunately, though humans have managed to decode the words of females, their language is structurally different from ours. For females, any single word can mean different things at different times, dependent even upon which female utters it and the mood she is in. Making understanding even more difficult is the fact that, unlike humans, females tend to enjoy arguing over the precise definitions of words and place enormous importance in exact shades of meaning, all the while changing the meaning of those words seemingly at random, or even, it has been speculated, manipulatively in order to cause general discord or gain some advantage -- perhaps dinner, or jewelry.

Unlike the ordinary function of language between humans as a vehicle for communication, the ever-shifting foundation of female language makes human overtures to them essentially a random series of noises and gestures subject to merely whimsical and arbitrary interpretation, as if one were hoping to get lucky rolling dice.

Some optimists believe reliable human to female communication may yet be achieved. Truly, the first man to crack the female nut will have his place in history.

[Dead]

[ QUOTE ]


When you make friends with women, you make girlfriends along the way.

[/ QUOTE ]

I can testify to the veracity of this claim.

[Isura]

I can testify that you shouldn't use the word veracity in OOT.

[Dead]

Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.