Ok, enuf. Vacation time

[toots]

I'm gonna try to take a poker vacation now. If I fail, then maybe I'm gonna have to admit that I have a problem.

The short and sweet: So far, I've been mostly playing online and a little in B&Ms. Nearly all my online play has been at microlimits. I've won about $500 playing microlimits over the last year. That's net - my problem ain't losing money. At B&Ms, I quit keeping stats. I only go about once every month or two. The problem is that it's taking over my life and it's not fun anymore.

The longer:

Online poker has taken over my free time. I started reading Sklansky just so I could learn to play in the B&M without losing my shirt. I've always liked the occasional B&M game, and I figured if I learned how to win instead of losing, then I'd enjoy the casino games even more.

Except that learning to win meant to quit being such a maniac, which in all honesty, isn't quite as fun. I like being a magoo.

And when I started posting here, everyone suggested (almost ordered) that I play online. I resisted at first, but came around. I got a free two bux at Paradise and grinded it out to $200 playing penny stakes. More recently, I've made some $50 deposits at other sites, and have ground them up another few hundred.

Except that it's all I do. I read about poker, watch poker on TV, and spend just about every other non-working minute playing online. It's getting automatic. I wake up on the weekend and log into Party. I come home from work and log into Paradise.

There's this ever increasing mound of other things I'd like to do, but they keep getting put off because whenever I run into a free bit of time, I go log into some online site, without even really thinking of what I'm doing.

I really do think that now I am a better poker player than I was before starting to play online. There's just this problem (aside from the intrusion on my time).

When I win, I figure "yeah, I'm making good decisions and getting paid off." I don't feel great; I just feel like everything's working the way it's supposed to. When I hit my downswings, I feel like absolute crap, even though I've absolutely never had to rebuy at any site. I mean, yeah, I hit my downswings, but in the end, I come out ahead of where I started. Except that the net emotion is negative. I don't feel that great when I win, but I feel totally lousy when I lose.

Why am I doing this?

I'm really not sure. I just read The Professor, the Banker and the Suicide King (which was a pretty entertaining book, btw), and one thing that stood out at me - which was almost entirely incidental to the actual subject of the book - is that all players, no matter how good have their downswings. Most professionals, no matter how good, have had times when they've gone broke.

I do not want to be a professional, but what this tells me is that I'll never be so good that I won't suffer those times where I feel like crap. The best I can do is get used to them, but this is really important: The good times don't balance out the bad times. I feel worse during the downswings than I feel good in the upswings. Getting used to the downswings means suffering more net-negative emotions. So, I ask myself again:

Why am I doing this?

Because I think my entire life revolves around it nowadays. I think because I no longer know what else to do.

So, it's time to take a vacation from poker, I think. I think I should still take my occasional monthly trip to the casino, since my goal when I do that is to just magoo up a storm and have fun joshing with the other players. Or, maybe I'll stay away from that, too. I don't know.

But I have to stay away from online now. I think maybe I should cash out my paltry $500 in winnings and use it to get something nice for myself.

Only question now is what do I do to fill the big hole that's previously been spent reading these message boards?

[img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[TStoneMBD]

my situation is very similiar to yours in that i feel content when im winning because thats how its supposed to be, but when im losing i feel angered. im getting much better with the swings each passing day, but as a result poker has lost its sense of adventure and unknown. i no longer look at things as "i could make 2k today if i get lucky." i look at things by equity.

it comes with the territory and its so definitely worth it. if you are barely winning though then its time to find yourself a new game if poker is starting to bore you.

[toots]

I don't know if "barely winning" describes 3BB/100H (I honestly don't know). The paltry size of my winnings more reflects the limits that I'm playing.

I've long feared that online play could be a problem, so I've intentionally kept my limits low. Would I be happier if I was playing at higher limits, and potentially winning more money? Perhaps, but probably not enough to offset how much more pissed I'd be at losing.

Again, I'm having a hard time seeing why I do it. If I do it just for the money (if I decided to play at more meaningful stakes), then I'd have to ask myself why I want a second jobm particularly when I'm pretty happy with what I make at my day job.

[revots33]

[ QUOTE ]
Except that it's all I do. I read about poker, watch poker on TV, and spend just about every other non-working minute playing online. It's getting automatic. I wake up on the weekend and log into Party. I come home from work and log into Paradise.

There's this ever increasing mound of other things I'd like to do, but they keep getting put off because whenever I run into a free bit of time, I go log into some online site, without even really thinking of what I'm doing.

[/ QUOTE ]

Great post. I guarantee you're not alone in this. It's part of the problem with online poker. It's so readily available, 24/7/365, that it can gradually take over every last minute of your free time. I wonder quite often if I spend too many of my off-work hours playing/thinking/reading about someting as trivial as a card game.


[ QUOTE ]
When I win, I figure "yeah, I'm making good decisions and getting paid off." I don't feel great; I just feel like everything's working the way it's supposed to. When I hit my downswings, I feel like absolute crap

[/ QUOTE ]


This is probably typical. I remember reading about studies that showed that most people aren't as happy when they win, as they are upset when they lose.

I admire you for taking a break because you see the signs of a problem, not because you've hit a downswing. Best of luck.

[seabass74]

I guess I have to say that when I come off a winning session, especially when combined with good play and good cards, I feel on top of the world. Conversely I'm in a terrible mood when I lose no matter what the reason but moreso when I play bad. I play for meaningful money to keep it interesting for myself and would play worse if the stakes weren't meaningful. I think some time off will help you with your decision on what to do in the future for your poker times... if you miss it, come back, try starting another hobby in the meantime... regardless of what you decide, do your best, and gl.

[toots]

Ok, it's been a week without any online poker.

Food tastes better, birds are chirping, children are laughing and playing. I am free of that constant feeling of pressure that there's all sorts of dead money out there, just waiting to be scooped up, and I'm missing out because I'm not online playing right now!

Actually, it's going fairly well. I've got back to some of the stuff that I've been putting off. Figure I should go at least a month before logging in again.

[mockingbird]

Congratulations on enjoying your vacation and life without poker. I hope it will help to clear your head so you can make the best decision on where to go from here.

[ZenMusician]

Hey neighbor!

Hope your time off is going well...I just got back from a Maine
camping vacation and i gotta say, even just the week off (except
for my biblical readings of SSHE) was amazing. I was on a bad
streak of emotional and egotistical playing that swatted my roll
down before my trip. I am happy to announce it is now healthier
than ever! Good Luck Toots...I'll see you at the 'Woods one of these
times (I'm studying Omaha...!) [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

-ZEN

[Allinlife]

check out inside the poker mind...it'll really help you get over the variance...read up on the chapter poker/emotion. probably saved my self $$$$ learning about it.

[toots]

I'll second Inside the Poker mind.

And, my vacation is from online. I figure reading's still ok, and I might do a trip to Foxwoods. Then again, I only do FW about once a month, and I went just before my "vacation," so I probably won't see a B&M before the end of the vacation.

Feeling a lot better about my free time.