[NateDog]

This is based on a true story*

The location: South end of the strip in the black pyramid.

The game: Donktastic and inebriated 2/4

The donks:

UTG – Abercrombie sweater guy. He’s drinking Amaretto Sours. Enough said.

UTG+1 – Oldie Olderdissen. A.k.a. “Crust”. Crust likes to see every river. Recently ran down my TPTK when he rivered a 4 to give him Q’s and 4’s. He’s goot.

UTG+2 – Wan A. Bee. A.k.a. “the head”. The head is waiting for the 8:30 tourney, and betting at everything.

MP 1 & 2 – The striped shirt gang. 2 Guys from mid-Ohio in town on business. They like to raise each other. It’s awesome that they sat next to each other, and the striped dress shirts are probably still fashionable in Sandusky.

MP 3 – Rico Suave. Trying really hard to look like a cross between DMX (think about the pencil thin beard) and Agador Spartacus from ‘The Birdcage’ (think way way way too tight button-down short sleeve, with the sleeves rolled up no less). He plays like a SoCal lo-limit guy. Bet/raise/raise/cap with crap.

CO – Amsterdam. He is from Amsterdam, and is wearing some frilly-see-thru-gypsy-knit-bejeweled-blouse thing. Likes to raise the river with the non-nuts.

Button – Grum Blee. A.k.a. “local”. How many times are you going to tell the table “Aces only win 20% of the time, 20 goddamm percent!”

SB – Big Red. Just sat down, so I can’t bag on him yet, except it’s 300+ lbs of freckled-red-headed man sitting a little too close for comfort.

BB – Donktastic Donkerton. A.k.a. “dumbass”. Your hero, who is drunk and waiting for the fiancé to burn thru her money at the craps table so we can go to chocolate swan for dessert.

The hand:

Everybody limps. I mean everybody limps, not one fold to the button. Grum Blee local pops it up from the puck. Big red cool calls from the SB, and our hero looks down (why did I even bother getting a metric f**kton : 1) and finds black treys. Hero calls, as does everyone else in the frigging casino. 10 to the flop for 20 small bets.

K [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] 3 [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] 7 [img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]

Big red breaks wind and verbally checks as a cover.

Hero covers his face and raps the table.

Checks to Stripey #1 who bets. Stripey #2 calls immediately (which means absolutely nothing).

Rico pops it and then rubs his chin fuzz.

Amsterdam cold calls, and contemplates why he came to Vegas in the first frigging place. He LIVES in Amsterdam.

Grum Blee local mutters, curses, spits, glares at the dealer, and cold calls.

Big red has more flatulence, and decides to fold so he can go deal with it.

Hero is ordering a drink from someone in a short skirt and bumps 3 small bets from his stack over the line. Dealer (toe) announces 'raise'. Oh, ok. I raised. goot.

Abercrombie boy is faced with 3 cold and folds, looking very abercrobie-ish.

Wan A. Bee can't get rid of his cards fast enough. He's busy checking his ipod batteries and making sure his hoodie's string is straight. It's almost tourney time.

Stripey #1 folds immediately (means nothing) and Stripey #2 calls immediately (means nothing).

Rico has found a home, and caps it.

Amsterdam puts the beer down just long enough to put more money in the pot.

Grum Blee local performs the same mutter/spit/glare routine and calls.

I call.

Turn is the case trey.

Hero leads.

Stripey folds (means nothing).

Rico is eyeing Abercrombie's tight jeans and only calls.

Amsterdam needs a smoke and folds.

Grum Blee local goes into his routine again (it's getting old now) and calls.

River is the 94 1/2 of purple lampshades.

I lead.

Rico is now following Abercrombie to the john, and folds.

Grum Blee local announces "I have to see that crap that you are playing over there", calls and tables KTo.

I was soooooooooooooo tempted to slow-roll him, but didn't as short skirt was passing by again, and I can only look at 2 things at once.

I'd like to tie this story up nicely, but there isn't an easy way. I left the table shortly thereafter, up a bit, still drunk, and vary wary of Rico's eyes.

*This past friday at Luxor. If you were there, you are a donk too. Oh, and I embellished a little bit. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]