[bholdr]

I have a freind that's going down... i care about this person but cannot really help; because i don't know how, because i like to get a little faded myself, and because i've seen it too many times before and it scares the hell out of me. i KNOW about this stuff... trust me... and she's in BIG trouble and needs help.

i am trying not to be a coward and walk away from this person, but it hurts to watch it happen.

She's been drunk every night for at least a month... likes to do lots of coke and stay up for days... also, mushrooms, x, barbituates, painkillers, whatever's around. lost a good job... can't pay rent... old freinds are abandoning her... she even tried to sell some very illegal drugs, but liked the product too much to support her habit that way. it slowly got worse over several months.

and now sht has hit the fan:

The other day, on the tail end of a three day binge which started with getting drunk and doing an 8-ball of cocaine on the first night of a 72 hour bender: at bars and after-parties, then at home... taking mushrooms, not eating, etc.

A freind and I walked her home from the party and put her to bed- she was incohearantly drunk and the sharks were starting to circle.... but she didn't sleep, she called up some fresh partiers (no one else had kept up). in goes another 8-ball, some shrooms, cases of beer, a bottle of jim beam...

i slept, woke, and worked, then went to check on her... she was STILL awake, pushing 72 hours without sleep or food (beer, though nourishing and tasty, doesn't count) and she and some guy (who looked like he was trying to take advantage of her) were getting set to snort some crushed extacy.

damn. this is even more screwed up than i thought; as i look back at what i've written, I realize i haven't exaggeratted a bit.

So i insisted that she stop. she ddn't like that. she ended up fighting me for a straw to snort with. enough. i knocked all the drugs all on the ground and into the carpet. I said my peice; told her what i saw, what i've seen and done, and what was gonna happen to her.

she threw me out, she was very, very angry, naturally.

she stayed sober for about three days, even went to some AA meetings... but last night was as bad as ever. She wasnn't on coke, but was using that particular abstinance to justify her all night drunken, shrooming mess.

and then

she apologized today and says she's trying to clean up. I talked to her some more about my experiences and problems with drugs (mostly alcohol) and the ugly hole (social, financial, health-wise, and professional) that abuse put me in once. I promised to stick by her and help where i can, or to remain her freind and watch her fall into that same dark place if she can't pull it together.

scary thing is, i think she understands and believes me, but things haven't changed. bottom line: my freind will be lucky to go to jail before she ODs, gets raped, etc.

god DAMN, i need help here, guys. what can/should i do? my freinds... i love my freinds. i am willing to GO DOWN for them, do whatever i can... but i am lost. help?

I'll expand this later on.. gotta run. sry for the buzzkill post.