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Like "capacity for speaking, reasoning, and loving"? That sounds functional to me.

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Which is why there's the qualifier "capacity". BTW, the definition you posted is probably not the one vulture is using. It's probably this one:
"Innate potential for growth, development, or accomplishment; faculty."

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To have the capacity to speak, reason, and love... a human must have a working brain. If he is saying it has the "potential" to do those things, then I would say so does a sperm.