I watched the dog show today on TV.
What
is that? It's like a beauty contest for dogs.
They're
dogs.
What exactly is the judge doing when she feels up the dogs?It looks like a medical exam. I was hoping one of them would bite off one of her fingers or two. Now
that would be fun. I half expected her to pull out a rubber glove and administer the dreaded digital rectal exam. (No doubt she would have cried out "magnificent" at some point, as one of my doctors once did. I switched physicians when I noticed him drawing little cupids and valentines onto my medical records.)
Then they lift these poor creatures by their head hair and tail and place them delicately on the floor, with all the care and attention one would give a rare and valuable Ming vase, where they are expected to walk like Eliza Doolittle after being transformed by Professor Higgins. A few dogs were described as having "manes." I was waiting for one of them to recite "The rain in Spain stays manely on the plane."
At the end, the tension builds to an almost unbearable level when the judge walks around the room and gives the dogs a few last looks. What could she have missed the first time around? Did one of them remind her of Clark Gable and she just wanted to confirm that he didn't give a damn, my dear? Be thankful none have had an accident to that point and hurry up, that's what I would do.
The suits that walk the dogs around are called handlers. I noticed some of them carry combs or brushes for last minute primping. With all due respect, a few could have used the grooming implements on themselves rather than the animals. And more tailored suits.
The announcer was quite informative. For example, we were notified that the Chinese wanted to kill their Pekingnese rather than allow Europeans to misuse them. They obviously were unsuccessful. I would love to see them have a second chance.
Where is PETA when you need them?
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http://sports.excite.com/news/02112003/v7563.html