This is a personal, perhaps too personal, account of my conversion to atheism. If it's a little melodramatic, that's probably cause I've had a few beers.

I'm a recently converted atheist. As a youth I was a devout Christian raised in a Protestant household. I didn't just numbly follow church teachings, I had a very close and sacred relationship with God at certain points in my life. There were times when I felt without a doubt that Someone up there existed.

After my fundamentalist youth I broke from strict Christian teachings. Instead, I felt that all religions had something to say about God and gave similar guidelines for life. I studied Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism, Confucianism, and after it all I thought I was gaining spiritual understanding. I felt that Christianity was only a limited version of Truth and as I explored further I came to believe in a different God. I couldn't describe this Being but I felt for certain It existed. I saw all religions as just man's way of explaining what was evident in the human spirit. For me, no hell could exist and life could not be as meaningless as Christianity makes it out to be. Therefore, I did consider the Hindu cycle of life as a possible posthumous explanation.

Anyway, I've gotten off topic, but I'm trying to explain the evolution of my thought, if anyone even cares. By this point I had started reading philosophy, and Nietzsche was one philosopher who always struck me as fascinating. I had read him when I was religious and had failed to see the strength of his arguments. I had also failed to seriously consider evolution, and the psychology of my faith. The latter is the biggest reason I am an atheist now. I had to think very carefully about what religion was doing to my psyche.

During every hard time in my life I would always turn to God. But in my healthiest and most vibrant times, God was only in the deepest recesses of my mind. But as time ticked and life got harder, God would keep moving up to the forefront of my mind, so that eventually I could not allow myself any healthy or fun times. I was focused only on the negative aspects of life. There is no question in my mind that religion did this to me. It Forced me to be compassionate; if I was enjoying myself I thought of others who weren't as fortunate. And because of this miserable state I was in, I wanted everyone else to have to feel the same way. I thought it was the Right thing to do, and all should do it.

As a result, I thought all life was meaningless suffering. People say religion offers an explanation for this. To me now, religion as an explanation is absurd. It's a crutch, nothing more. And it nearly killed my desire for life. It made me a weak and pathetic individual, incapable of participating in the affairs of daily life. I was very depressed for a long time. Finally, after realizing that there is no God I can live a fruitful life.

Faith and religion were invented by people who felt the same weaknesses I did and we all do from time to time. It's comforting to think there is an all-knowing being out there. It's not reasonable, though. I'd rather live honestly than blissfully. Then again, my religious days were anything but blissful.

As I say, thank God there isn't one.