[tdarko]

first of i would like to say this is not a sympathy post and there should be no replies of such. old people only do a few certain things, complain, vote, love their children/grandchildren and eventually pass away. my grandfather is about to pass (no later than friday, i don't know how they know this but that is what i was told) but he has lived a long life and i am grateful for the time i have had with him, so no worries. now that that is out of the way, on with the meat of the post.

my grandfather in june of 1986 was told that if he didn't change his lifestyle he wouldn't live for 5 more years. in 1995 the doctors told him he wouldn't live for two more years and every year since they said he has basically been a medical mystery since only a small percentage of his heart actually works. here is the deal, for the past couple of years he had been really going downhill (of course though, its inevitable) but to keep him ticking he takes about 50 pills a day (this post isn't supposed to spark up a debate about how doctors just try to keep people alive to make money etc.) and this is what has been keeping him running.

the problem is is that its a horrible way to live b/c he should actually be dead. i know this b/c the decision to take him of his medication and stop him from living that way was made on saturday and we are leaving to drive to louisiana tomorrow to be with him when he passes. one week it took. so obviously he would be dead without the drugs.

while on the drugs his body is deteriating and he falls all the time and is contantly breaking bones and now has dymensia and is basically being tortured. his life was hell and it was hard to watch. that is why the decision was made to take him off his medication so he didn't have to live that way anymore.

that is one side of the double-edged sword. the other side is you can always say you wouldn't want to live in torture and that if you weren't able to wipe your ass on your own or if wherever you sat down thats where you ended up for the day then you wouldn't want to live that way, but you don't know how you would feel until this situation arrives. what if there are grandchildren he wants to see married or what if he is just scared or what if he doesn't want to leave his wife of 68 years? we made the decision for him, he has no say in this.

so the question is do you sit and watch a person that you love suffer till their death or do you pull the plug on them? i am asking (sorry if it has been asked before) b/c i honestly don't know how to feel in this situation and either way feels [censored] up.