Ok I have the tips and secrets on how to succeed.

1) Get a really big penis, this is vital. Anyway you can do this, do it. Chicks dig this for some strange reason. 2 inch wang = pathetic. 9 inch wang = your key to the love pudding.

2) Watch all the Hans and Franz you can get your hands on. They make Ivan Drago look like the sissy man he is. "I must break you?" Please, Hanz and Franz piss on Drago. Not only will they *clap* PUMP...you UP! but they will teach you to speak in an accent that melts women into puddles of mushy poo. I cannot stress this enough...accents are overpowering tools to get all the sex you desire. Just ask Arnold. All he has to do is say, "I am Ahhnold," and BAM, women at his feet begging to be his love slave.

3) Forget the shave and a haircut. Haven't you seen Austin Powers The Spy Who Shagged Me? Not only does he get all the poon tang he wants, but the chicks ACTUALLY dig his hairiness. During the memorable chess pieces sex scene, I quote the Russian model who wants to bang Austin into the 21st century, "You are hairy like ANIMAL." If you have to put chia pet goo on your chest, do it. This is standard. Nh.

4) Watch all the Baywatch you can get your hands on. Now that Hanz and Franz have taken care of your muscles, it's time to pump up your sexiness. David Hasselhoff running down the beach will teach you the tricks of the trade you need to bang any female who has a pulse. Purchasing his music albums is an add on that I recommend. Watching the Baywatch boobies bounce up and down is simply a bonus. It will provide you with the motivation you need to get your hands on those precious melons of fun.

I'm pretty sure this has all been mentioned before, but only for a price. I provide these secrets to you, my fellow 2+2'ers, free of charge. Use them, study them, and you too can trick any beautiful woman into foolishly having sex with you when chances are you are way too ugly to deserve it.

Neff