Re: why does it hurt to lose?
Perspective: 120BB in three hours is a fantabulous winning session.
70BB in a 3 1/2 hour session is also a fantabulous winning session, just not as good as 120BB.
That doesn't answer your question at all, but it might help to give you some equanimity about your results.
One thing you might do towards actually answering your question is to look at how it hurts to lose. What do you experience when you suffer one of these 50BB downswings? What sorts of things do you think about? What do you feel in your body? Are there ways you want to move? Things you want to say or noises you want to make?
If you are playing online at home alone, the next time something like this happens you might find out something interesting or useful by asking yourself these questions, and by following the impulses you discover as you answer them. You could even try that now, away from the game.
Awareness of yourself as well as your opponents is a skill that can be a great help to your game (to say nothing of the rest of your life). Practicing awareness, even if you don't consciously act on the basis of this awareness, has great potential to improve your game and your life.
Your question, "Why does it hurt to lose?", is a terrific first step to practicing awareness.
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