[darydarling]

Okay so you know the back story.
I'm 39 years old, have been raising my 2 nieces on and off for going on 12 years now.
Even when they did not live with me I provided a lot of financial support.
Now I have missed out on a lot of opportunities because of this, have found myself stuck in jobs I hated in order to provide them the best possible life I could.
One is now 18 and in nursing school, the other is 13. Their mother, my sister is disabled and does not work and their father is pretty much non-existent in their lives, forget child support.
My sister does recieve disability payments, and once both nieces are old enough and out on their own could probably support herself by living in subsidized housing.
Long story short.
I've spent the last 3+ years working 7 days a week, 12-16 hours a day not having much if any life outside of work, which I owned my own business and worked out of my home.
Even when I found free time I spent most of that time with my family. Watching movies, going out to eat, etc..etc.
I now work for a company, however still out of my own home * internet related* but my hours are pretty much 9-5.
I now have free time to play poker and have been taking advantage of that.
The downside is I get pains of guilt when spending too much time playing...and by too much time it may mean all night Friday, all night Saturday and maybe some Sunday.
Here lately what I do is maybe watch a new movie with them on Friday, leave to play around 10-11 pm then spend the rest of my time playing poker.
However I still feel guilty.
I don't play with house/bill money. I have a seperate bankroll for poker and have extra cash coming in each month on side deals that replenish any losses I might suffer etc.
But I still feel guilty when I have losses.
I'm up almost $1K in one month after only playing just a few weekends that month, and then I lose about $400 while taking some hard hits another weekend. And that's when the guilt hits harder.
I think about what I could have done with that $400. Spent it on new clothes for them, save it for a car for the 18 year old etc etc. When once again this is clearly just poker money.
Anyway, I don't know how to deal with this. I try my damndest. I guess I feel guilty because their lives are not better. I honestly don't know.
But this is the only thing I have for me at this point in my life.

Oh and Dr. Al if you respond to this..this is Cary from the wednesday group...my user name got mucked up when I registered and they won't alter it for me. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]