"Dear God -

Please make my child horribly miserable, so that he becomes so depressed, that his only hope is to start believing in you again. Make him deathly ill... an almost fatal car accident might work... make him utterly hopeless. Bring him to the point where life for him is not worth living -- complete dispair. Then, Lord, may he come back to your loving arms.

Love in You,
-- Concerned Parent"