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Old 11-16-2005, 03:19 PM
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Default Re: My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!

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I can't believe what I am reading here.

Do ANY of you EVER get laid? Or do you just sit drinking brews with your mates complaining about what bitches women are?

She is NOT a controlling bitch.

She is NOT making a power play.

She is NOT concerned with his poker playing.

In almost every case I have ever encountered like this, the situation is that she is feeling neglected by her boyfriend and is taking it out on the one thing that he loves most.

What this means is that he is probably not spending quality time with her. They may spend time together, but he is probably not doing special things for her, probably not making her feel like she is important to him, and probably not doing what he needs to do to keep his woman happy.

Lets face it - none of us is perfect and we all have our ego and our pride. It is EXTREMELY difficult for a woman to come out and say "I don't feel like you treat me like I am special" - that is very hard to do.

What you NEED to do is to sit down with her and talk about what is really going on for her. Is it really about the poker or is it about the time you guys spend together? Maybe try and sugges that you guys establish some ground rules - you will still play the same number of hours, but you will do them at specific times when she is not around - and then when she is around, you will not play poker at all - things like that.

If you want to move into the realm of mature relationships, it is absolutely essential that you understand that people often don't say what they feel - but when they say something, chances are that there is a real and legitimate feeling behind it. IF you truly care about someone and want to continue in the relationship, you will make an effort to understand the underlying issues and not simply blow up at her for saying something that, to you, sounds ridiculous.

So instead of reacting with childish anger, try to be mature and understanding.

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I don't think putting your foot down is "childish anger." If she wanted to tell him that she wants to spend more time with him, she did a terrible job of doing so. Despite apparently thinking that no one here gets laid, you eventually agree with the fact that he should not bend over backwards to appease her, which is exactly what everyone is driving at. Obviously the calls to dump her are a bit much, and probably won't be taken seriously anyway, but if you don't think she's making a power play here, you are out of your mind.

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My response was definitely over the top - I know that.

I don't think he should bend over backwards to appease her - but I also believe that before he assumes that she is just trying to control his life, that he should first consider whether its possible that he brought this on himself through his actions.

Understand that this is not about whether she was right in what she did or said - its about what is going to work to solve this problem between them.

What bothered me about the responses is that people are all advocating taking some sort of hard-line with her - and to me, that is just not how you treat a woman who is your girlfriend. Sure, if she refuses to be reasonable and if, after discussing it, it becomes clear that this really is about control, then he should act on that. But as a first step, I think that you need to begin with an attitude of understanding.

There is a REASON why she wants him to play less poker. It is possible that its because she is a controlling bitch who can't stand to see her man doing anything that she is not involved in. But is FAR more likely that she is just trying to express that she feels neglected or like she is not the most important part of his life - and if she isn't, then he should just do the honorable thing and break up with her.
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