[Blarg]

For me, the best way to get through trauma that isn't incapacitating is by burying myself in work or otherwise just keeping really busy. Whether it's fun or not, it keeps me from obssessing on things, which is where the real downward spiral threatens to begin. After swamping myself with work for a while, having a few nights sleep etc., when I do start to think about things more, I feel more like I'm dealing with the shock waves and not facing right into the bright heat and impact of the explosion and getting totally emotionally devastated. Some things are just really hard to take at first, especially if you're the obssessive type like me who multiplies the pain many times over by circling it around in his head and just killing himself with it.

It's not really in anyone's control when and how hard the emotional impact will well up in someone. You have to give them time to feel bad and not deny the legitimacy of their feelings by doing a hardcore "cheer up!" attack. Their hard emotional time is just something that's going to demand its space here and there, and should be given it. That's natural and not unhealthy.

But if you in the meantime can keep his mind busy, it can help to keep him from socially withdrawing or brooding over the matter and just aggravating it that way. Doing active sports and outdoors things can help a lot too. Get him feeling good physically for that mental carry-over effect, as well as tiring him out so he can sleep easier.

Everybody's different, so there's no real reliable plan. Don't blame yourself too much if the guy's misery isn't something you have much luck making better. It's being a good friend just to try.