[JackThree]

i keep trying to forget about my ex-gf but i can't, so i started taking adderall to make myself feel better. we've been broken up for a few months now, we share a telephone plan though, supposedly i'm her best friend or something. but i hate thinking/talking about/to her because i am somewhat nuts.

all that codependent crap.. i have abandonment/jealousy issues with any of her friends.

i'm also diagnosed bipolar I and adhd. i'm taking 100mg of lamictal and 20mg(atm) of adderall a day, but i generally take more when i'm feeling bad. i think i need more lamictal

i also just went through a 300bb downswing and -10 buyins at nl 50 just after and so my poker-esteem is shot.

i went through all that nutso value system changing crap from 19-20 i was pretty much not a person before that.

everything sucks right now, but it's not as bad as it used to be before i started taking drugs. when i start feeling like this i can't talk to anyone about it, even though i'm generally very open with my friends

i know this is pretty much nothing for some of you guys, but i'm sure you remember your first huge downswing

i'm tired of writing