[pooh74]

I got this after the 2000 series, thought it was hysterical...thought I would hijack and share/.\

> > >>
> > >> > The Yankees Suck (composed somewhere in Queens or in Red Sox
> Nation)
> > >> >
> > >> > It's three o'clock in the morning in the tri-state area, and I
> can't
> > >> > sleep. I feel a need to vent. I hate the Yankees. I hate them so
> much
> > >> > it hurts inside to think about how much I hate them. Is that
> weird?
> > >> > Does it make me odd? If I watched some homeless guy walk into my
> house
> > >> > from off the street and beat the [censored] out of my grandmother, I'd
> hate
> > >> > him less than I hate Jorge Posada. And I think that might mean
> that
> I
> > >> > have a problem.
> > >> >
> > >> > That said ... for all of you fair weather Yankee fans sitting at
> home
> and
> > >> > gloating over your victory, I'd like you to really, truly think
> about
> why
> > >> > you like these Yankees. Moreover, I'd like you think about why you
> should
> > >> > hate them.
> > >> >
> > >> > Here, I'll help you out:
> > >> >
> > >> > 1) Derek Jeter. Is this guy really that good looking? I don't get
> it.
> > >> > Perhaps I'm jealous, or perhaps I'm letting my hatred of his team
> blind
> > >> > me, but I really think I'm being objective when I say that this guy
> looks
> > >> > like a [censored] alien. Tino Martinez? Not a bad looking dude.
> Paul
> > >> > O'Neill? Handsome, I'd say, in a rugged, alcoholic Irish sense.
> But
> > >> > Jeter?
> > >> > I mean, c'mon. If the guy wasn't a baseball player and he was
> hanging out
> > >> > in some shitty ass under-17 club in Rockland County, not one girl
> in
> the
> > >> > bar
> > >> > would turn her head unless they thought someone was filming Cocoon
> 3.
> > >> >
> > >> > 2) Joe Torre. Yeah we get it. You're a nice guy. A good manager.
> You
> > >> > cry when your team wins. But who the [censored] picks their nose this
> much? My
> > >> > mom says it's unfair to have a camera on you in the dugout when you
> don't
> > >> > know people are watching. Agreed. Yet, you could have a camera on
> me 24
> > >> > hours a day and maybe you catch me picking a boog three times.
> This
> guy
> > >> > does it six times every half hour. Buy yourself a Kleenex you ugly
> creep.
> > >> > He looks like someone who might molest my little cousin on
> Halloween.
> > >> > People who look like him are the reason my mom used to go through
> my
> > >> > Halloween candy to make sure there were no razor blades.
> > >> >
> > >> > 3) Luis Sojo. Yeah, this guy's awesome. He looks like he should
> be
> a
> > >> > busboy at the Burrito Loco. If this guy eats one more chalupa he's
> gonna
> > >> > [censored] explode.
> > >> >
> > >> > 4) Jose Vizcaino. He should be working with Luis Sojo. Nice
> glasses
> > >> > dipshit.
> > >> >
> > >> > 5) Roger Clemens. This guy's a piece of work. They say he's not a
> "real
> > >> > Yankee." That the rest of the Yankees shouldn't be judged by his
> idiotic
> > >> > personality/behavior/mentality. Bullshit. He's the prototypical
> Yankee.
> > >> > A mercenary superstar who only cares about money and acts like a
> total
> > >> > [censored]. He should be the new Yankees logo. Get rid of the "NY"
> symbol.
> > >> > Just a giant picture of Clemens throwing shattered bats at players
> and
> > >> > hitting them in the heads with 100 mile an hour baseballs. And
> kissing
> > >> > Babe Ruth's monument before the game? [censored] you Clemens. I hope
> the
> > >> > monument has herpes.
> > >> >
> > >> > 6) Bernie Williams. Here's a pretty guy. Not only did he fall off
> the
> > >> > ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down, but then he hit the
> ground
> > >> > and got really disfigured. And to compensate for his looks, he's
> got
> the
> > >> > most outgoing personality this side of Adam Hirschberg. This is a
> guy you
> > >> > can really get behind and root for.
> > >> >
> > >> > 7) Andy Pettite. Kind of like him actually. Still a [censored].
> > >> >
> > >> > 8) El Duque. Oh don't even get me started here. The Cuban
> refugee.
> What
> > >> > a story! For the rest of the year, every night before I go to bed,
> I
> > >> > promise to fall to my knees and pray to God that this guy gets
> deported
> > >> > and spends the rest of his days rotting away in a Cuban jail cell
> > >> > decorated
> > >> > only with posters of Fidel Castro and cigars. And what kind of
> name
> is El
> > >> > Duque? I'd like to make a big Duque in his mouth-ue.
> > >> >
> > >> > 9) Mariano Rivera. Hate this guy as much as any of the others.
> Maybe he
> > >> > should try eating something. This dude spits and loses six pounds.
> I
> > >> > heard someone poured champagne on him after they won and he slid
> down
> a
> > >> > sewer drain and drowned.
> > >> >
> > >> > 10) Yankee fans. Without bias, I find you all to be the most
> > >> > insufferable, fair weather, ignorant fans in the world. Know this:
> no
> > >> > matter how many championships you win, you have a BORING,
> UNLIKABLE,
> > >> > UN-EXCITING TEAM. If I was a Yankee fan myself I would find it
> hard
> > >> > to root for them. May they all rot in hell.