[Josh W]

They gathered at 5:00. But I digress.

Boris was down in the LA area. A number of us had heard that he was much more than a fish, so we decide to throw a homegame at my place. At 5:00, Boris shows up with mike l., DeathDonkey, gabe, Andy Fox, Justin A, and Sooga.

The 8 of us head out to dinner at a greasy Mexican food joint, where DD, Justin, and myself begin drinking to give others a fighting chance. We head back, but have to stop by at a liquor store so Justin can get some domestic swill beer (he doesn't like Newcastle or hefeweizen....but I think he likes gabe, so it's cool).

We spend the next 45 minutes divying up chips, then the next 6 hours losing them to DD.

Andy, to his credit, did manage to get even. But he got lucky. In most joints, his dealer abuse wouldn't be tolerated and he'da been 86'd more than a few times.

We decided that we now know the rules to Padoogi (Badugi), so we play some of that. Justin whispers to me that he's been running bad, and wants to make some side bets (see my "How I lost $100" post from 2 weeks ago). I politely decline, then duck because Andy's muck is headed for my forehead.

Boris, in an attempt to avoid Andy's contempt, tries to sit in a chair with wheels and takes a bit of a spill. This provided a much needed break from the poker festivities. DD appreciated this the most, because it gave him a chance to stack his chips. I began this paragraph with the sole intent of putting "attempt" and "contempt" in the same sentence. Whack.

Shortly thereafter, Boris leaves us to head back to Carlsbad (long drive), and Boris, I trust you made it safely.

We then devised a new game. It was called "Texas Hold em".

Oh, but it had a few twists. The blinds were different, but I won't go into it. Most importantly, we decided that the second best hand would get the pot. The best hand would get 2.5 Big Bets out of the pot, though.

After a few hands of this, we decide that the best hand should instead get 5 Big Bets. This actually proved to be a supertastic game. Nobody knows the perfect strategy except for me, so I won. In fact, I think it was said that I played that game at an expert level.

And really, it's good that I was an expert at that game. See, I had the worst seat in the house, since mike l. was on my right. He was definitely the favorite in the game. He played so many games at an expert level, it was really dizzying.

See, we were playing Omaha hi/lo. He scooped a nice pot with K732 then another one with 9885. See, I had always heard that those were...um....iffy hands. mike l. then tells me that he is actually able to 'play a few more hands since he plays at an expert level'.

I knew I was outclassed.

We switched games a few more times, and played PBadouokgi again. Sooga played a hand this particular orbit. Really, that's the "News" portion of this post. It really is newsworthy. He's a little on the snug side.

He stood pat from the get go and pumped the hand the whole way. mike l. expertly called down with like trips or something, just to be shown Sooga's smooth 6. Only because mike l. plays expertly was he able to play that hand to begin with.

We decide to switch back to "second best hold em" after taking a small break to pick up the cards off the floor (Andy missed the dealer with his toss). We now throw a new wrinkle in the game. We decide that if the best hand is a straight or better, it will scoop the pot.

One hand comes up where DD has 53 on a J642 board. People are pumping with there small pairs, hoping they are second best. However, DD is set to scoop it. River is a 5, and mike l. wins a big pot with his 73o. Ni han.

I look to mike l. and start to profess undying love. I tell him:

"mike l., the way you played that hand was...."

DD interupts:

"XXXXXX you XXXXX XXX XX XX luckXXXXXXX".

I continue...

"you played it...."

mike l. fills in the blanks for me:

"The word you are looking for is "expertly"".

Funny thing was I didn't think I was looking for that word. Turns out I was wrong.

By now, I'm pretty sure that the best possible hand in SBHE (Second best holdem) is the hand that I hold. This means that for this particular hand, the best hand is 88.

I limp or raise or drink. Maybe all three. Justin comes along, as does gabe. Gabe is complaining that "this dealer always kill me" because he keeps flopping sets. Gabe is not Persian.

So, yeah. I digress. I have 88, and Justin and Gabe are behind me. There's probably 5 or 6 others in the pot, too. Flop comes Q72, rainbow. Sweet. Somebody must have a Q, 7s will think they have 2nd best, but really I will. I pity my opponent. I really play this game at an expert level.

I pump it with Justin and gabe. I think gabe has a 7, because he thinks. I think Justin has two cards. Solid read, as it turns out. The turn is a 2, which is ugly. If somebody has a 2 and somebody has a queen, I'm now in third. Boo Hoo. It gets checked around. Oh yeah, there were 2 clubs on the flop.

River is 5c. I check, and Justin bets. He looks hesitant. Or regretful. Maybe both. gabe shakes his head and calls. I should note that if gabe ever calls, it's w/ head shaking. I'm sure I got 2nd best, so I checkraise. Justin then notes that his bet was retarded. Gabe concurs by subtely saying "YOU IDIOT!!!!!"

Gabe has a 7, Justin has a queen. He gets his 5 big bets, but had to put in 2 on the river. Gabe's head is about to go supernova.

A few minutes later (and a few minutes after that, and a few minutes after that and a few minutes after that and) I say "hey, Sooga, you see that river checkraise". Gabe quietly acknowledges that he remembers it by looking at Justin and whispering "YOU IDIOT!!!"

I think Andy then threw the cards.

We switch back to Dewgi, and mike l. is unhappy with the game. Somebody asks what we haven't played yet, and i say "third best holdem". Laugher ensued. Justin started to say something, but it really couldn't be heard over gabe whimpering "YOU ******* IDIOT".

It was the second best homegame ever. If anybody wants some domestic swill beer, stop on by.

Josh