[plaster8]

I was not the one hammered in these stories, but I think they're OK nonetheless.

I'm in Reno a few years ago at 3 a.m., playing Pai Gow Poker alone. This homeless-looking guy plops down next to me, sweating bourbon, and throws a c-note down as his bet. He gets his seven cards from the dealer, and recoils.

"WHAT THE F ARE WE PLAYING?" he slurs.

I help him play his cards for about 15 minutes, he wins about $700 and gets tossed when he refuses to get coffee instead of a beer. I leave a few minutes after that, and I see two security guards beating the crap out of him in the alley. I decide I do not want to interfere in a Reno alley fight in the middle of the night.

Story 2: I'm playing poker at a casino for the first time ever. I'm at the Excalibur. I have to take a leak, but I have no idea where the bathrooms are. I ask the table and they point me in the right direction. As I turn the corner toward the bathroom, a drunk guy slams into me and dumps his drink directly on my crotch.

This after I have just asked the poker table where the bathrooms are.

I still had chips on the table, which is the only reason I sheepishly went back. Had I realized I'd never see any of these people again, I would have just strolled back to the table confidently with my soaking pants and said, "Well, I didn't find the bathroom."