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Is Rick Moranis the Ant Jesus?

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No, my dog is. (See below as I waste more time and energy.)

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I am declaring myself to be the almighty, omnipotent, and just ruler of the ants. I will be referred to as Antweh.

The ants see me as all-powerful. I can create stuff from seemingly nothing -- stuff no ant could ever understand, like big piles of dirt (mountains to ants), or huge holes in the yard (giant canyons), or even toss a fork or earring on the ground to really wow them out. They are in fear and awe of this almighty power. If I will it, I can wipe out whole ant colonies.

However, with this almighty power, many ants believe I also have infinite love for them. A group of ants wrote a book many generations ago (like 15 years or something which is a long time for an ant). This book detailed how I, the human god Antweh, demanded that ants devote their lives to serving me. And it also told the story about how I sent my own dog (the Dog of God) to live as an ant. The Dog of God, in ant form, tried to teach the ants how to live according to his master's doctrine. Being a much superior beast to the ants, the Dog of God was able to perform miracles such as loud barking which shook the ant homes with its thunder. The ruling ants at the time were threatened by the Dog of God's teachings and he was executed. But this sacrifice was supposedly my gift to the ants. By the blood of the Dog of God, the sins of the antworld could be forgiven. The teachings of the so-called Dog of God were spread by the true ant believers, who set up ant churches to worship me. To this day, thousands of ants across my yard pray to me and seek salvation. For those who accept the Dog of God as their personal savior, eternal life is presumably promised, and they will rise out of their ant bodies and live as god-like humans. The ant church teaches that the non-believing ants will be scorched by eternal fire (I do have a fire pit in my backyard).

Of course, despite the prayers of thousands of ants each day, I don't really answer -- or even hear -- any of them. I just go about my human god-like life, squishing some ants here, running some over with the lawn mower there. In fact, I don't really care about the ants at all, and if I had any wish it would be for them to just enjoy their short ant lives as best they can, just like I am trying to do with my supreme-being life as a human -- but don't tell that to the ant priests.

--kidluckee
God of Ants