[NotReady]

Thanks for posting this - I know it isn't easy to put something like this out there amongst the wolves.

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Am I the type of person who needs to believe in something bigger than himself to deal with past issues?


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Yes. We all are. God made us that way.

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Is God a crutch for me to deal with my problems that are just around for the moment?


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Yes. And much, much more.

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Is it just my addictive personality?


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No. Your love for the things of this world would lead you away from God, not towards Him.

There is emotion in religion and especially in conversion. This is genuine and you shouldn't ignore it. The realization of your guilt and the forgivess of that guilt, the affirmation of meaning in your life, the certainty of purpose in the universe, and much more should produce an emotional high. But that feeling doesn't last, nor should your faith be based on it.

C.S. Lewis once said his faith was weakest after he had spent time defending it publically. The reason is that for just a brief time it seemed as if the truth of Christianity itself depended on him and his abilities, and that can make the whole thing seem weak indeed. Because of that you might be better off not spending much time on this board. There are difficult and tricky arguments against Christianity and many people who would like you to "unconvert".

I don't think I've ever read a so-called "problem text" presented by an unbeliever without at least a brief doubt flashing through my mind. "Is this really a contradiction? Oh no" or "How do I explain that?" Even Satan comes "as an angel of light". He can sometimes be very plausible. I've also never failed to laugh at how quickly my faith can be weakened by the slightest of attacks. There are many arrows launched against us. You should only expose yourself to those you have prepared for, and don't be surprised that you occasionally have weakness. There is no magic formula for the Christian life - we walk by faith, not by sight - and we are all individuals as well as Christ's church. God is able to make you stand, you can never do so on your own strength.