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I don't feel I am in denial and I am trying to be as introspective as possible.

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No one in denial feels they are. Introspection has not helped you, it's gotten you where you are. What you need now is absorption. If you'll stop replying/defending and absorb what's being posted you can absorb. After you've absorbed then you can go back and use introspection. (Jeeze, I think I've just confused myself.)


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I guess I have not really said it but I am taking in what you are all saying. I said I was desperate didn't I. You must understand that I have a competetive nature and I enjoy B&M poker so much that I have a strong desire to win there.

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Maybe your competitive nature and enjoyment is outweighing your good judgement. You express yourself well. You're not dumb.