Thanks guys. I'm going to go out and get a badass water pistol today. That's a great idea. As I said, I have no problems with cats. I'm not a cat hater. The rules we set before I agreed to let the cat move in were these:
1) Not allowed in the bedroom or the my office. Ever.
2) The cat must be bathed regularly.
3) The house must be kept clean of cat hair. I agreed to buy a
Roomba to help with the cleaning.
4) Cat litter must be kept in order. I agreed to buy a
littermaid to help with that.