HEY MAGGOTS,


YOU DISGUSTING HUMPS TAKE THIS POKER STUFF MUCH TOO SERIOUSLY. YOU POST YOUR STUPID HANDS, ASK WHAT YOU SHOULD RAISE PREFLOP WITH AND, WORST OF ALL, COMPLAIN ABOUT ALL THE GREAT STORIES JOEY BRINGS TO YOU. GET A LIFE! CAN'T YOU FIND SOMETHING BETTER TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE OTHER THAN TALKING TO OTHER DEGENERAGE GAMBLERS? NEVERMIND, ALL YOU SERIOUS HUMPS ARE HOPLESS. THE MOST HOPELESS OF THEM ALL MAY BE DYNASTY. WHY DOES THIS THREE HUNDRED FIFTY POUND ANIMAL THINK THAT ANYBODY CARES ABOUT THE OPINIONS OF SOMEONE WHO IS TOO SCARED TO PLAY WITH THE BIG BOYS? WELL, RECENTLY DYNASTY TRIED TO PLAY WITH THE BIGGEST BOY OF THEM ALL, JOEYBITCH, IN A 4-8 BELLAGIO GAME. DYNASTY SAT ACROSS THE TABLE FROM ME. HE WAS ALREADY SWEATING WHICH IS DANGEROUS BECAUSE WHEN DYNASTY SWEATS, CLARK COUNTY HAS TO ISSUE A FLASH FLOOD WARNING. I SAY TO HIM "HEY, DYNASTY, THIS ISN'T THE MONTE CARLO WITH THOSE $1 AND $2 BLINDS. YOU'LL BE PLAYING FOR BIG POTS NOW." I POINT TO THE $6 OF BLINDS AND SAY "SEE, THAT'S TWICE THE STAKES YOU'RE USED TO PLAYING FOR. HAHAHAHAHAH". HE SWEATS EVEN MORE. I LIMP BLIND UTG. EVERYBODY FOLDS TO DYNASTY WHO LIMPS. THE OTHERS FOLD AND THE BIG BLIND CHECKS. THE FLOP IS SEVEN FOUR TWO WITH TWO HEARTS. BIG BLIND CHECKS AND I BET. I STILL HAVEN'T LOOKED AT MY CARDS. DYNASTY RAISES. BIG BLIND FOLDS. I CALL BLIND. THE TURN IS THE QUEEN OF HEARTS. I CHECK. DYNASTY BETS AND I CHECK RAISE. HE QUICKLY CALLS. THE RIVER IS THE JACK OF HEARTS. I BET AND SAY "DYNASTY, DID YOU ENJOY PLAYING WITH THE BIG BOYS?" HE LOOKS AT HIS CARDS AND MUCKS SEVEN SEVEN FACE-UP. I DON'T BOTHER TOO LOOK AT MY CARDS. JOEY DOESN'T ALWAYS HAVE TO HAVE THE CARDS. JOEY KNOWS HOW TO PLAY THE PLAYER. LATER IN THE EVENING, I WENT OUTSIDE TO WATCH THE FOUNTAINS OF BELLAGIO. HEY, JOEY APPRECIATES ALL KINDS OF BEAUTY. WHILE, I'M LEANING OVER THE RAIL WATCHING THE DISPLAY TO FRANK SINATRA'S "LUCK, BE A LADY", DYANSTY PRESSES HIS THREE HUNDRED FIFTY POUND GIRTH AGAINST ME. HE SO DAMN FAT THAT I CAN'T MOVE. OF COURSE, HE UNCLOTHES ME AND HERE'S WHERE I NEED TO BE DELICATE. HE VIOLATES MY PERSON FOR SEVERAL MINUTES CAUSING CONSIDERABLE ABRASION. EVERYBODY IS SO ENTRANCED BY THE FOUNTAIN SHOW THAT THEY DON'T NOTICE MY PLIGHT. WHEN HE'S DONE, HE SAYS "JOEY, DID YOU ENJOY PLAYING WITH MY BIG BOY?" NO BIG DEAL. I LEFT THE TABLE WITH A BIG STACK OF HIS CHIPS. SEE YA AND WOULDN'T WANT TO BE YA, YOU FAT HUMPS.