The OP decided to drink heavily one evening when he didn't feel like playing poker.

The OP went out with some yuppie pussies to a club with a $20 cover, which pissed him off. The band that was playing sucked hard.

The OP ditched his "friends" and went out with the cab driver. They smoked weed, then went to a club with mostly black people. Then they went to the cab driver's house and did some blow. They were mostly black people there too.

The OP sucks at special handshakes.

He took some blow home with him and did some while chatting with some nerds on IRC.

The OP woke up the next afternoon in one piece, to his astonishment.