[lehighguy]

This is exactely how I feel. I try so hard, but I feel like I'm just at an edge I can't cross.

I'm now $5000 into my last downswing, $1000 tonight. Profits for the year are down to $19,000 (/w an $8k multi cash) including rakeback.

What hurts the most is I feel like this is really what I want to do for a living. I love it so much. It's all I think about all day. On top of that I hate my day job so much I wanna kill myself and I haven't played poker in 3 months because I'm so tired when I get back from work.

I know exactely what I want to do, but I can't do it despite my best efforts.