[BCPVP]

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In both cases, a group of people was tired of being ruled by another group of people.

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There's much more to it than just being "tired" of being ruled by another group of people. Before the American Revolution, the colonists had little to no representation. Before the Civil War the South DID have representation.

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How do you justify killing over a half million men to "preserve the union"?

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It was better for the U.S.'s future. It won't make sense to you because you don't accept the premise that some government is okay, so further argument is pointless.